


The Album That Goes By Many Names

by tamibrandt



Series: Alice In Chains on Tour '93 [3]
Category: Alice in Chains
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:14:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 22,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27264808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamibrandt/pseuds/tamibrandt
Summary: The band goes into the studio to record Alice In Chains (or Tripod, or the Dog album, or . . .) and a Cold War breaks out between the band and their management.A continuation of AIC On Tour '93 and It's a Mad, Mad Season
Relationships: Jerry Cantrell/Courtney Clarke (mentioned), Layne Staley/Demri Parrott (mentioned), Layne Staley/Jerry Cantrell
Series: Alice In Chains on Tour '93 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989022
Comments: 29
Kudos: 8





	1. Grind

**_Grind_ **   
_In the darkest hole, you’d be well-advised_   
_Not to plan my funeral before the body dies_

“So, it turns out that the band is breaking up and Layne is dying of AIDS,” Sean said as he read the entertainment news section of the paper.

“Where do they come up with this shit? I’m _not_ dying of AIDS!” Layne protested.

Layne was currently writing the lyrics to another song that would be on the album and this latest news tidbit about the band was definitely going in the lyrics. The music reporters pretty much had Alice In Chains written off because they hadn’t done any touring since 1993 and the Dirt album. And they never toured for their EPs. According to the entertainment pages, Alice In Chains was no more. The death-knell seemed to be not taking the slot opening for Metallica during the summer. It was billed as the big summer tour next to the Woodstock ’94 festival.

“Well, another article said that Layne died,” Mike said.

Layne stood up and presented himself. “Right here, people. Very much alive and kicking!”

Layne, Sean, and Mike were sitting in the control room watching Jerry lay down the sound effects on his guitar track for _Grind_. It was one of the few times that Layne had shown up with the other band members still there. Normally, if he decided to show up at all, he would be so late that no one had stuck around. He’d lock himself in the bathroom and shoot up, refusing to come out for hours until the euphoria of the high passed. Other times, he would say he’d be there and not show up for days because he was nodding at home.

The band had booked time at Bad Animals studio to work on the new album mostly because it was close to Layne. At the same time, they were isolating themselves from the record label. Where they freely worked with Toby Wright and Sam Hofstedt, they froze out everyone else including Nick Terzo and Susan Silver. Poor Toby ended up being the liaison between the band and Susan Silver. They refused to deal with Nick Terzo anymore and only dealt with the two people above Susan Silver’s position.

Because Layne was a night owl and no one knew when he would decide to come into the studio, Sam ended up wearing a beeper at all times. The second Toby knew Layne was at the studio, he’d beep Sam who then had to beat it down to the studio.

Recording the album took longer than was planned. The band went through seventy rolls of two-inch tape, enough to equal the tape budget of a record made today. Jerry didn’t think anything of Layne going through that much tape alone. As long as the tape was rolling it would catch anything that could be used later.

Another reason the record took so long was due to Layne writing the lyrics in the studio as they came to him. He also spent time experimenting with different vocal and harmony ideas in privacy before he was ready to record. He knew how to operate the tape machine and some of the other equipment. So, he’d kick everyone out of the control room and only called them back in to change the tape. After he was done with the scratch vocals, he’d call them in, Wright would offer his feedback and then set up again so Layne could record his vocals in the booth using a nicer microphone.

Layne’s drug use had not affected his performance in the studio. When Layne was ready to sing, he was ready and he took very little time to get the vocals. It was just a matter of finally getting him to the studio and out of the bathroom where he would get high beforehand.

For _Grind_ , Toby distorted Layne’s vocals on the master tape by having Layne sing through a Turner Crystal microphone from 1932 that he bought at a pawn shop for ten dollars. The song’s lyrics were Jerry’s angry response to the rumors. Layne had found out through the internet that he was dead or dying of AIDS. There were rumors that he had fingers or limbs amputated because of his drug use. It was a case of the telephone game where one person would see Layne out in public and report back to someone else that he looked awful and the next thing anyone knew, Layne was on his deathbed.

When Jerry was done with his guitar parts, he stepped into the control room as Layne pressed a button to stop recording. “What rag are you guys reading?”

“Just something that has our obituary in it. So far the band broke up, Layne’s died of AIDS and you have two pickled livers. I don’t even know how you’re walking around,” Mike said sardonically.

Jerry grabbed the paper and scanned the article himself. “Oh, you forgot what it says about how Sean has Chlamydia. How come you’re not mentioned in here, Mike?”

“I’ll take Chlamydia over what you two are supposedly dying of. Chlamydia can be treated and cured at least. I don’t know how you get by with two pickled livers,” Sean said.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” Jerry shot back.

“Hey, I can definitely say it’s just the one liver and a blackened lung,” Sean said defensively as he smoked a cigarette.

“I apparently keep a low profile,” Mike grinned. “I’m just a bass player, who pays attention to the bass player?”

“For all we know, Mike has a sex dungeon in his basement,” Layne quipped.

“You said you would never mention that!” Mike laughed.

“This is why I wrote _Grind_ ,” Jerry said disgusted with what he read and tossed the paper on the console.

“First, I was supposedly gay and now I’m dying of AIDS,” Layne said as he brushed the paper out of the way. “I’m androgynous at best.”

“You’re not androgynous. You’ve just sworn off women. You still manage to get laid,” Jerry smirked. Sean and Mike looked at Jerry. “What?”

“Aren’t what you two have going on a gay relationship?” Sean asked.

“We have never labeled it as anything. It just is,” Jerry shrugged.

“Dude, Courtney left you because of it,” Sean said.

“Courtney left you?” Layne asked surprised. Jerry never said a word about his own breakup.

“She got tired of me not talking about what was bothering me when you and I were split up and thought I was cheating,” Jerry said. “It had nothing to do with you.”

“You’re with Layne, how is that _not_ cheating?” Mike asked.

“I compartmentalize,” Jerry replied.

“That’s a big word for you,” Sean commented dryly. Jerry flipped him off.

“I’m a fucking lightning rod for controversy just by being alive and it has nothing to do with me?” Layne said.

“You’re not a lightning rod. Courtney, this,” Jerry picked up the paper, wadded it up and tossed it in the trash, “means nothing. You’re a part of this band and this family. Fuck the press. Since when have we ever cared about the fucking press?”

“Since you got pissed and wrote _Grind_ ,” Mike replied with a laugh.

“Touché,” Jerry commented.


	2. Brush Away

**_Brush Away_ **   
_My intention, I arrive at eight_   
_Lie and dream some, surprise, you guys, I’m late_

Due to the band as a whole freezing Nick Terzo out, he got very few demos from the recording sessions. When Toby did manage to hand a couple of them over, Terzo accused Toby of being an enabler for allowing the band to freeze him and Susan Silver out.

The band didn’t want to be bothered by any management or record label interference. Toby’s response to Terzo’s accusation was, “I _am_ an enabler in the fact that I enable creativity in my artists, whatever that takes. I just want them to be as creative as they can all be, at all moments in time when they are in the studio.” If Toby had gone against the band’s wishes, he would have been out of there and either replaced by someone who saw the band’s point of view or Jerry would have just self-funded it.

As it was, the band did not have a recording budget or a timetable to finish the album. They had an extraordinary degree of artistic and financial freedom, even with the record label and management almost entirely shut out of the process. Layne had taken that freedom to the nth degree by refusing to show up for days or when he did finally make an appearance it was at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning.

Once Layne entered the building the night security would alert Toby and Toby sent a message to Hofstedt’s beeper to get his ass to the studio pronto. Sam sat in the control room still waiting for Layne to come out of the bathroom. He could probably finish _War and Peace_ by the time Layne decided to appear.

Layne was in the bathroom snorting a thin line of coke when he straightened up and saw Jerry behind him watching him in the mirror. “What are you doing here?”

“I was working my normal hours when I decided to see if you were going to show up tonight, well, early this morning,” Jerry said.

“I didn’t bring heroin because I knew I was going to be working,” Layne assured him.

“Luckily, we don’t have a timetable on this album, babe,” Jerry said as he stepped closer to Layne. “I sent Lanegan to your place to get you to come here because you’re back to not answering the door for anyone. Why are you shutting me out?”

“I don’t mean to. When I’m nodding it could be hours or days before I finally come out of it,” Layne confessed.

“I haven’t said anything, but I swear, Layne, if you start fucking up your voice I’m pulling the plug,” Jerry said as he leaned closer and nuzzled along Layne’s neck.

“I promise I won’t fuck up my voice,” Layne said as his hands moved to hold onto Jerry’s waist.

Jerry opened Layne’s jeans and slid his hand inside. Layne jerked back a little and hit the sink. Jerry wrapped his hand around Layne’s dick and slowly stroked up and down the length, skimming his palm over the crown. Layne’s head fell back and he moaned at the first touch of Jerry’s fingers around his dick. Layne pulled Jerry’s jeans open and returned the favor, lightly squeezing Jerry’s dick on the upstroke.

“Fuck, Layne,” Jerry breathed as he rested his forehead on Layne’s shoulder.

“Can’t, no lube,” Layne laughed lightly.

As small as Layne was in size and weight now, he had enough strength to push Jerry back against the wall next to the sink and ground his hips against the guitarist as they jerked each other off. Jerry wrapped an arm around Layne’s neck as he moved against Layne. Their lips met in a searing kiss as they both moaned and thrust against each other, stroking each other faster.

As Layne ground his hips against Jerry in time with his stroking movements he could feel the connection that always drew them to each other. Jerry loved Courtney as much as he loved Demri, but Layne couldn’t say he was really sad that Jerry and Courtney weren’t together anymore. If he thought about it, he didn’t have to share Jerry with anyone now. As jealous as Jerry was over him doing Mad Season with Mike, Barrett, and Baker and knowing that Mark was involved, Layne had to admit he was jealous whenever Jerry wasn’t anywhere he could see him. He loved Jerry even though he didn’t say it as often as Jerry did. He came back because of Jerry. This damn album was really the last thing he wanted to do, but Jerry wanted it so here Layne was.

God, he really wished one of them had packed lube before either one of them had come to the studio. Layne broke the kiss and settled for sucking a hickey on Jerry’s neck.

“What are you doing, babe?” Jerry laughed softly and then moaned as the stroking drew out his simmering orgasm.

Layne nuzzled along Jerry’s neck to his ear. “Claiming you.”

“Fuck, Layne,” Jerry moaned as the singer repeatedly squeezed and stroked at the same time. “I thought we did that long ago.”

“I know,” Layne said. “But, since you’re single again and I don’t have to share you with anyone, I had to do it over again.”

Before Layne could say anymore, his orgasm shuddered through him. He bucked against Jerry as the cum covered Jerry’s hand. Layne sped up his own strokes until Jerry shuddered against him. They shared lazy kisses and then reluctantly separated. They washed their hands and cleaned up as best they could.

“Now, I’m _really_ late for my singing session,” Layne smirked.

“You’ll get it done in no time. You always do,” Jerry said. “I’m going home and get a few hours' sleep and see what you get done later today.”

They left the bathroom and parted ways. When Layne went back to the studio he knew Sam thought he had been in the bathroom all this time getting high. Layne didn’t say anything to the contrary. If Sam knew that Jerry had been in the building this whole time, he didn’t say anything. So, Layne went back to do the scratch vocals on a song called _Brush Away_ , adding the line “ _My intention, I arrive at eight / Lie and dream some, surprise, you guys, I’m late_.”

Layne went home around 8:00 a.m. Jerry, Sean, and Mike came straggling in around 9:30 a.m. and Toby ran the playback for the songs Layne worked on earlier that morning. Jerry had seen the lyrics to _Brush Away_ when Layne was writing them. When he heard the added lyrics, he laughed to himself.

Even with Layne’s unreliable scheduling, the songs that were coming out the next day were turning out to be really good. There were a few times when Jerry had to rework his guitar parts to match the tempo of Layne’s voice or Sean wanted to redo a drum sequence once he discovered the direction Layne went in. As cumbersome as Layne’s random appearances were making the recording process when Layne came in to finish a song that Jerry wrote half the lyrics to and left the rest to Layne or Mike contributed part of a chorus that went with a baseline he had in mind. Layne found a way to turn it into something they could use on any album they wanted to produce.


	3. Sludge Factory

**_Sludge Factory_ **  
_Call me up, congratulations ain’t the real why_  
_There’s no pressure besides brilliance let’s say by day nine_  
_Endless corporate ignorance lets me control time_

It had been two and a half months and the band were still in the studio working on the album. Toby and Sam were both in the control room watching Layne go through his harmonies in the booth when Demri showed up. She was super-thin and looked like she was at death’s door. Layne stopped harmonizing and genuinely smiled when he saw her.

“Guys, can I take a break?” Layne asked.

Toby pressed the intercom button. “Sure, Layne. Go ahead. I need another coffee anyway.”

Layne went to Demri and laced their fingers together as he led her down the hall to a vacant room. Once they were ensconced, Layne carefully hugged her.

“Hey baby, how are you doing? Are you taking the pills the doctors gave you?” Layne asked.

“They make me nauseous,” Demri complained.

“I know, but they are supposed to help you,” Layne said.

“I don’t know why you spent so much money to fix my heart. I’ve told you and my mom numerous times I’m not meant to live long,” Demri hugged herself.

“You don’t mean that,” Layne said.

“Do you have anything on you? I’m a little low. Or if you have some money on you, I can go get something,” Demri looked at him desperately.

“Demri, I told you I wasn’t going to give you any more drugs. You’ve had two lung surgeries and two heart surgeries. I don’t want to go down that road again,” Layne tried to reason with her.

“You’re a hypocrite you know that? How dare you stand there and tell me you’re cutting me off when we both know you get high all you want,” Demri accused.

“I’m not doing it for fun anymore. It’s more maintenance so I don’t get sick!” Layne yelled.

“How is that any different?” Demri shot back.

“Demri . . . .” Layne sighed.

“Fine! If you won’t give me what I need, then I’ll find someone else that will,” Demri spat. She threw the door open so hard that it slammed against the wall and flew back against the jamb but it didn’t close.

“Demri, wait!” Layne tried to catch up to her, but even as small and weak as she was, she made it out of the building before he could. He stared at the ceiling for a minute and made his way back to the studio.

Toby was surprised when Layne walked back in as calm as could be. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Can we just get back to work?” Layne asked as the phone rang.

Toby answered it and put it on speakerphone. It was Susan Silver’s bosses Don Ienner and Michele Anthony calling from New York. It was 6:00 a.m. Seattle time which meant it was 9:00 a.m. in New York.

“Layne, we just wanted to congratulate you on the Above album going gold! Awesome sales there,” Don said excitedly on the phone.

“Thank you,” Layne said softly.

“We’ve been clocking the time you’ve spent in the studio,” Michele began, “It seems a little excessive. I mean it took only a month to get Facelift out, a week or so for both EPs, and a couple of months for Dirt. You should have been done and out of there by now.”

‘The album is coming along fine,” Toby said defensively.

“Well, we’re giving you nine days to finish it,” Michele said. “Is that good with you? Great.”

Not giving either Layne or Toby time to answer the line went dead. Toby hung it up on his end and looked at Layne. “The album’s nowhere near ready to be done in nine days.”

Layne didn’t say anything. He walked out of the room and disappeared down the hall.

At 9:30 a.m., Jerry, Sean, and Mike came straggling in. They didn’t think anything of it when Layne was nowhere to be found. Jerry went into the control room where Sam sat at the console playing some backing tracks.

“So, what did Layne work on last night?” Jerry said expectantly.

Sam looked up at him with a grim face. “It’s not good.”

“What isn’t? Layne didn’t come in last night?” Jerry asked.

“Oh, he came in and he was working up until . . . .” Sam drifted off.

“Up until what?” Jerry asked. This was like pulling teeth. If Layne was at the studio last night, he should have finished a track or two.

“Follow the noise,” Sam said waving him off.

Jerry walked out of the control room and heard faint crashing sounds. Out of curiosity, Sean and Mike followed Jerry. The closer they got to the noise they could hear Toby talking soothingly to someone. Jerry rounded the corner and saw the door to one of the break rooms was ajar. There were still crashing sounds. Jerry slowly pushed the door open and saw Layne destroying the room.

“Layne, you have to stop. Michele and Don are in New York. They don’t know what’s like for you here. I get that. But that doesn’t mean you have to break everything,” Toby was trying to get through to the singer.

Jerry put his hand on Toby’s shoulder startling the engineer. Jerry gestured for him to leave the room. Sean and Mike hung back by the door after Toby left. It looked like Jerry was going to be the sacrificial lamb here.

“Layne?” Jerry tried to get the singer’s attention. Layne spun around and looked at him, breathing hard. His eyes were red-rimmed from tears of frustration. “You want to tell me what brought this on?”

Layne fell back on the couch the yardstick he had been using was still in his hand. Unnoticed tears were sliding down his cheeks.

When it didn’t seem like he was going to answer, Jerry asked, “What the hell happened?”

“Demri is determined to die and they gave me nine days to finish the album,” Layne said all at once.

“What?” Jerry asked.

“Demri showed up wanting me to give her drugs or money for drugs and when I cut her off she got pissed and left. Then, Ienner and Michele called up, congratulated me on the Mad Season album going gold, and said we were spending too much time on the album and gave me nine days to finish it.”

“I thought we told the record company and management to stay out of it?” Mike asked.

“We did,” Sean replied.

“You know, I wasn’t too big on this album when we started. But, where the fuck do they get off telling me what to do from two thousand miles away,” Layne said as the tears were still sliding down his cheeks. “I got half a fucking song in my head just –” Layne started to say as he sniffled.

“I’ll help you write it,” Sean offered out of the blue. He normally stuck to the drums and maybe offering a word here and there. But the idea that the record execs and management were trying to run this album when they weren’t wanted had pissed him off too.

Jerry crouched down in front of Layne. “See, you got Sean offering to write lyrics for once.” he smiled.

“Hey! I help!” Sean said defensively.

“I honestly don’t know what to say about Demri, babe,” Jerry commented.

Layne absently wiped the tears off his face as he looked around at the damage. “I’m going to have to write a check to Ann and Nancy for a remodel. Probably end up helping redo it,” Layne said softly.

Jerry smiled remembering the odd jobs they had to work before touring took over. Layne used to pour foundations and frame houses. “I’m sure they’d appreciate both.”

Jerry, Sean and Mike helped Layne clean up the break room. Afterward, Jerry and Mike noodled offering a bass line or a guitar line for whatever part Layne and Sean were writing. Layne wrote the bulk of the song based on his feelings of being congratulated before Michele demanded the album be done in nine days. He even stuck a verse in about Demri telling him she wouldn’t live past twenty-five but that he thought she should stick around long enough to pay back those who cause strife. Sean wrote the spoken verse about the execs trying to guilt-trip them into finishing the album before they were ready.

When they were done, Layne was still pissed at being given an ultimatum that he deliberately dragged the recording process out a few more months. Well, because Jerry started really working on it in January it was more like eight or nine months for him. For Layne it was four or five months.


	4. Heaven Beside You

**_Heaven Beside You_ **   
_Like the coldest winter chill_   
_Heaven beside you, hell within_

Jerry had met Courtney at a Guns N’ Roses concert when he was there to give Axl Rose a demo of Alice In Chains’ music. Axl of course took it and then immediately tossed it never even looking at it. But, as Jerry walked out, there Courtney was. She was hot and then as things progress as they do, the relationship got serious.

When Alice In Chains taped the video for _Sea of Sorrow_ all the girlfriends were invited down to participate. All the girls showed up except for Demri. From what Jerry understood, Demri had taken a feminist stance and didn’t want to be labeled as Layne’s girlfriend. Jerry supposed she extended that to not showing up when all the other girls did and at least outwardly show support for his professional endeavors.

When Jerry met Layne, he was only a couple of years older than Layne was. So, Courtney assumed Jerry would eventually mature and be a responsible adult. Like Demri, all the road stories that were coming back to her were about how Jerry was seen hitting on this girl or talking intimately with that girl. In reality, he’d spent most of his time with Layne. She had confronted Jerry many times and he always denied he was cheating on her. Jerry’s mindset was focused on getting Alice In Chains off the ground and be the biggest, baddest band in Seattle. He didn’t have time to fuck anyone on the side.

Jerry offered to take Courtney with him on the Facelift tour, but she declined, so he spent most of his time around Layne. There were times when Demri did show up at one tour gig or another, but her focus was on finding a drug supply in whatever town they hit before she did anything else. Jerry would never cheat on Courtney with another woman. However, he and Layne would hook up when the adrenalin was still pumping after a show. Jerry really couldn’t label that as cheating because even he didn’t know how to define what it was he and Layne were doing at the time.

Once Jerry did finally admit to himself that he was in love with Layne, it was already in the middle of the Dirt tour and they were far away from home so he didn’t think about the consequences of his relationship with Courtney. He just learned to compartmentalize the two relationships. His relationship with Layne had absolutely nothing to do with his relationship with Courtney. So, on tour and in the studio all his focus was on Layne and the band. When he was home, he focused on Courtney and what they needed at home.

When the band went on hiatus for six months Jerry was drinking more than usual and shut down emotionally. Courtney tried to get him to open up. But he had always separated his relationships. He couldn’t very well open a vein and lay it all out for her to understand the oftentimes complex relationship he had with Layne when she was not really exposed to it on a daily basis. He’d have a better time discussing it with Mike or Sean.

Those six months away from each other made him realize how much Layne was a part of him and his life ever since they first met. They still had yet to label whatever their relationship was and, really, at this point why bother to define it as anything. It was what it was. Whatever it was together or apart, Layne was an integral part of Jerry’s life. Courtney finally got fed up with him not telling her what was going on with him and she couldn’t compete with some mysterious person in his life, so she left him.

Jerry sat in the studio and wrote the lyrics to a song he titled _Heaven Beside You_. It was about his relationship with Courtney and how even though it would have been a great life, he was still immersed in his own world with the band and couldn’t see past that to what might be heaven by any person’s standards. He could have had a great life with Courtney, but that meant maybe sacrificing his time with the band and Layne and that wasn’t on the table for him.

“You’re here early,” Layne said as he walked into the studio.

Jerry glanced up and then went back to his writing. “Just had an idea for a song.”

Layne stood behind him, looked over Jerry’s shoulder, and saw the title _Heaven Beside You_. “What’s it about?”

“The breakup with Courtney,” Jerry said. “Would you sing it?”

Layne scanned the words from over Jerry’s shoulder. “No. I sang lead on _Down in a Hole_ , the lyrics are too personal. You can sing them and I’ll harmonize and sing the backing vocal. Did you come up with a riff for it?”

“Yeah, Mike and I were at a get-together somewhere and I stumbled on the riff for it,” Jerry said. Jerry adjusted the guitar in his lap and played the opening riff to _Heaven Beside You_.

“Acoustic guitar the whole way or are you switching to electric?” Layne asked.

“Acoustic guitar and electric rhythm guitar,” Jerry replied.

“Then, yep, you’re singing lead on it. You’re better at the acoustic singing than I am,” Layne said. He didn’t feel right singing a song that Jerry wrote about his ex-girlfriend, especially when he knew Jerry had a beautiful singing voice when it came to acoustic singing on the backing vocal.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Layne,” Jerry smirked. Layne always encouraged him to sing more whenever he could.


	5. Head Creeps

**_Head Creeps_ **   
_So let me be defamed_   
_Your redundancy stains_   
_Tired of infantile claims_   
_Like puppets on a string_

Layne hadn’t been in the studio in a few days. Instead, he had spent the time with Mark getting high. When Mark finally left, Layne would turn on a video game and play it for hours completely high until he nodded off. When he finally came out of it, he checked his answering machine and there were half a dozen calls from Toby asking where he was and if he planned on coming to the studio any time today. All the other messages from Toby and Sam Hofstedt were the same: was he ever going to make it to the studio that day. Turned out, he’d been in a drug haze for two weeks.

He showered, changed his clothes, and stepped out of his condo. Once he hit the street it was hard to miss the tabloid reporters taking pictures from their stakeout positions across the street from his condo. They had exaggerated stories about his appearance all the way to his tragic death. He remembered being in California for Lollapalooza in 1993 and some girl looked at him like he was a ghost.

She said, “You’re not dead?”

“No, I’m not,” Layne replied. When the girl walked away completely shell-shocked that he’d appeared at Lollapalooza, Layne turned to Randy Biro and said, “Wow.”

So, now, on top of rumors of his greatly exaggerated death and the fact that the band has _not_ broken up and yes, he’s still the singer and yes, he was still in the band, and yes, Alice In Chains were still a band and still making music together. There was only so much of the rumor mill a person could take before they snapped. That wasn’t even taking into account all the outlandish stories about his drug use and whether it had caused him to have to undergo amputation of limbs and whatever else the music reporters managed to dream up without even talking to him first.

Layne walked into the studio and Jerry was still there.

“About time you finally showed up,” Jerry admonished lightly.

Layne went over, took the guitar out of his hand, set it on its stand, and then took Jerry’s hand and pulled him to his feet.

“Where are we going?” Jerry asked curiously.

“Bathroom,” Layne said as he dragged Jerry along with him.

Luckily there was no one in the bathroom when they got there. Layne pulled Jerry inside and locked the door. Layne pulled a tube out of his jeans, shrugged his jacket off, and went to work on opening Jerry’s pants.

“Whoa! Where’s the fire?” Jerry asked amused and then moaned when he felt Layne’s hand wrap around his dick.

“This is the only room that doesn’t have fucking cameras spying on me twenty-four-seven,” Layne said irritably.

“What do you mean?” Jerry asked between moans.

“Fucking news and tabloid reporters are camped out in the bushes across the street from my condo,” Layne said as their mouths met in a passionate kiss of two people who hadn’t seen each other in forever.

Jerry groaned into the kiss, pulling Layne closer. He could feel how thin was with Layne’s body pressed up against his. He tried to choose the times wisely that he got on Layne’s case about his drug use. Layne was slowly fading before his eyes and he couldn’t physically do anything to stop it.

Layne ground his hips against Jerry as they kissed. It felt like the dark turn his life had taken with the addiction, the more possessive he felt about Jerry. Jerry didn’t seem to mind or if he did, he didn’t object to it.

Layne finally fell to his knees and tugged Jerry’s jeans down to his ankles. Jerry looked down and met Layne’s blue eyes. Jerry didn’t need constant verbal reminders that Layne loved him because Layne had shown him with actions. He knew that if Layne was completely against something he’d just say no and flat-out refuse to budge on the subject. If Layne didn’t love him as much as Jerry knew he did, Layne wouldn’t be here. Layne wouldn’t have done anything to help him get this band started. Jerry saw the love and devotion to him and therefore his vision for this album. It was just nerve-wracking trying to get Layne to the studio and out of this bathroom.

Jerry’s head fell back against the wall as Layne sucked on the head of his dick. Jerry bucked his hips when the length of his dick was enveloped in the wet heat of Layne’s mouth. Layne reached up and caressed Jerry’s stomach as he sucked and licked the length as Jerry moved in and out of his mouth.

Then Layne’s mouth disappeared. Jerry blinked his eyes open and saw Layne reach for the lube. Jerry turned around facing the wall. Layne moved Jerry’s hair out of the way to suck and kiss on Jerry’s neck before moving to open his own jeans and push them past his hips. Layne used the lube on his dick and the excess to prepare Jerry. Layne caressed a firm hand down Jerry’s back to grab a hip. The length of Layne’s dick nestled between Jerry’s ass cheeks. Layne watched as Jerry rocked back against him, the shaft moving along the cleft. Layne’s grip tightened on Jerry’s hip at the sensation of their skin rubbing together.

“Fuck, Jer. I’m caught between letting this drive us both crazy or fucking you,” Layne moaned.

Jerry pushed back against the singer. He blindly reached back to grab Layne’s hip. “God, Layne,” Jerry breathed.

Continuing to tease Jerry, Layne rested his forehead on Jerry’s shoulder as he slowly pushed his dick inside Jerry’s ass. Jerry closed his eyes, bracing a forearm on the wall as he felt Layne sink deep inside him. 

Jerry kept his eyes closed as he concentrated on the feeling of Layne moving in and out of him. Layne could hear Jerry moan and whimper softly as he slowly thrust in and out of the guitarist so he knew he wasn’t hurting him. Layne slowly slid deep inside Jerry’s body. Layne could hear and gauge Jerry’s moans as he watched his dick slide in and out. 

“Layne, babe, I know you’re trying to be careful here. But could you speed up? Leaving me hanging on the edge of orgasm is torture,” Jerry said softly.

“How many times have you tortured me with being on the brink of cumming?” Layne chuckled.

Layne sped up his thrusts, hitting all the right spots learned and mapped out over the years. He felt Jerry’s inner muscles contract around his dick. Jerry stroked his dick until he released over his own hand. The inner muscles squeezing around Layne’s caused the singer to release inside Jerry. Layne carefully extracted himself from Jerry’s body. They cleaned up and righted their clothes.

“Is that why you’re always in here to get away from everyone because you have tabloid spies staking out your place?” Jerry asked going back to what Layne mentioned earlier.

“Partly. I just want them to stop telling lies about the band and leave us alone, and in particular, leave me alone,” Layne said.

“I’m sick of the rumors of our death and breakups and the idea that we have in-fighting because we aren’t out there on a nonstop tour,” Jerry sighed.

“And that’s my fault too right?” Layne said, his depression peeking through.

“Layne . . . would I rather have been out there touring sure, but Jar of Flies went to the top of the charts without us having to. The fans are still there for us,” Jerry said as he moved to hug Layne. “I care about your health more than being on tour right now.”

Layne returned the hug and led the way out of the bathroom to go to the control room. Jerry followed him out of curiosity. Layne started writing the lyrics to _Head Creeps_. Jerry watched him write trying to imagine a guitar riff in his head to lyrics like _Tired of infantile claims / Like puppets on a string / So untangle you from me_ and _Time to call the doggies off / Tired of the shadowing / Slide me to the side again / Slapped in the face again_. Layne didn’t seem to mind Jerry was in the room when he was writing, just when he was recording his vocals. Jerry chalked today up to a win. He got Layne working in the studio.


	6. Again

**_Again_ **   
_Hey, you had time to think it out, yeah_   
_Hey, your weak will won’t help her heal her heart_   
_Hey, I’ll bet it really eats you up, huh?_   


Layne had finished the scratch vocals for _Again_ when he called Toby and Sam into the control room. They listened and noticed the song ended with a “Toot, toot!” backing vocal over the final bars.

“That’s funny,” Toby laughed thinking it was one of Layne’s pranks. “You don’t plan on using those, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” Layne said solemnly. “Those are going to be on the record.”

“Really?” Toby asked raising an eyebrow.

Sam Hofstedt got the impression that Toby wasn’t really thrilled with the idea. But, from his perspective, he thought Layne took that as a challenge as if to say, ‘oh, you don’t like it? Well, guess what? It’s going to be on the record now!”

Personally, Toby didn’t think Layne left the “Toot, toot!” backing vocals in to annoy him. Toby doubted that Layne was that full of animosity at that point. He was just questioning that choice because he expected something completely different. It was hard to gauge Layne’s attitude. At the end of the day the “Toot, toot!” backing vocals ended up on the album.

Demri was back in the hospital, again.

Layne and Demri met when an old girlfriend of Layne’s offered to introduce them at a party and then realized what a mistake it would be. Demri thought it was odd of her friend to say that. When Layne and Demri did meet, the girlfriend was proven right when Layne and Demri fell madly in love at first sight. Of course, they both had an affair on the side with drugs. When one of them would try to get clean they would try to encourage the other to get clean only to fall off the wagon and end up in addiction again.

When Layne got to the point that he refused to give her drugs or money for drugs, she just found a new guy to do what she wanted. Then, her continued drug use caused her to develop a heart condition, bacterial endocarditis – an infection usually contracted by intravenous drug use. She had the first of two heart surgeries to put a pacemaker in her body to try and fix it. Of course, she was barely in the recovery room before she snuck out while still attached to the IV pole. Not caring about the pacemaker or the fact that Layne paid for that surgery and the second heart surgery, she showed up at Mark Lanegan’s place asking for anything, settling for cottons if he had any. He told her to get back to the hospital and vowed to keep the incident to himself because Layne had been hurt enough by her antics.

There was cheating and drugs on both sides of the relationship. One of the first songs Layne wrote detailing their tumultuous relationship was _Love Hate Love_. Since then, little tidbits of their on-again-off-again affair have made a little line or two at a time into Alice In Chains songs.

Layne lost count of the number of times he’d come back from a tour and found one guy or another completely smitten-puppy-love-tattoo-you-on-my-chest in love with Demri at first sight. People who sided with Demri blamed Layne for Demri’s drug use and felt that Layne should have lain down and taken her cheating because he deserved it for screwing groupies on the road. Meanwhile, those who sided with Layne blamed Demri for Layne’s increasing drug use.

He’d sent her out to find cocaine once and she came back with heroin. It wasn’t even as if Demri were headed for a life in a convent when she met Layne and on the day she was to take her holy orders, he corrupted her. She already knew how to get drugs for herself when they met. She even went so far as to prostitute herself even though Layne would have gladly taken care of her.

It got to the point that as much as they loved each other, they couldn’t be together. She was worse help to Layne’s drug addiction than Mark Lanegan and Lanegan didn’t make the addiction worse but he sure didn’t help matters.

Layne and Demri were engaged a couple of times but again, drugs got in the way. Layne wanted marriage and kids. But the couple of times he managed to get clean, he’d hoped she would want to get clean too so they could get married. But she didn’t and when she did get clean for any length of time, he wasn’t.

Layne could have wished upon a star a million times that she would have married him, but she wouldn’t give up the drugs any more than he would have. She was too independent to be known as his girlfriend, who knows what she would have said or done if she were known as his wife.

Layne received word that Demri was back in the hospital going back and forth between the ICU and medicine floors again. He had shown up to the studio high and locked himself in the bathroom for a while before coming out and writing about his darkest depressive moments _while on drugs_ as well as a verse about how helpless he was that he couldn’t do anything to fix Demri’s heart condition. The money for the heart surgeries wasn’t enough. She had wasted every opportunity he could give her to get better so that she would see they could be together, but it wasn’t working out that way.

He went to the hospital once so far and she had been awake. She was still resolute that they were never going to be a couple, but he was still deeply in love with her. So, he went home got high, went to the studio, did his vocals, and now here he was in the break room. Jerry walked into the break room seeing Layne smoke a cigarette and drinking something. Jerry sat down next to him. Jerry took the container out of his hand and smelled alcohol. He handed it back.

“So, I heard _Again_ ,” Jerry said as Layne rested his head on Jerry’s shoulder.

“What did you think?” Layne asked.

“It’s good. It’s catchy. I can see it being a single off the album,” Jerry said. “I caught the line about Demri. Is she back in the hospital again?”

“Yeah, she still insists we won’t be a couple. I don’t understand why she won’t be with me. I’d do anything to take care of her. I paid for some of her rehabs. I paid for her heart surgeries,” Layne said feeling depressed.

“I know you have, babe. Some women are just too independent for their own good. They think being independent means not needing _anyone_ ,” Jerry commented. He glanced down at Layne’s blonde head. “She may not think she needs you, but I’ll always need you.”

“Love you too, Jer,” Layne said lazily.

Jerry felt his stomach flutter at Layne’s drunken confession. He knew Layne used the alcohol to deal with the cravings. “Why are you drinking?”

“Ran out of junk earlier,” Layne said.

Jerry could only imagine how much Layne spent on drugs, but he decided not to bring that up right now. Layne had been working on songs lately despite the addiction. It wasn’t too far out of hand by his standards knowing how much was too much for Layne. To an outsider, they would think Layne had been going overboard with it.

“Layne?” Jerry inquired.

“Hmm?” Layne replied.

“What’s with the “Toot, toot!” backing vocal? Do I really have to sing that?” Jerry asked with a smirk.

Layne drunkenly laughed as he nuzzled Jerry’s neck. “Yep!”

“Am I getting paid back for something I did?” Jerry chuckled.

Layne raised his head and looked at Jerry as seriously as he could with a drunken gaze. “I don’t know. What did you do?”

“Well, if you don’t know then I’m not telling,” Jerry commented.


	7. Shame In You

**_Shame In You_ **  
_When I waken, and I’m aching, time for sleeping, yeah_  
_When I’m saying time to go and, I’ve been hurting, yeah_  
_When I’m laying, I’m still trying, concentrating on dying_

With Demri still in the hospital and effectively not speaking to him, Layne didn’t go into the studio for days. When he finally managed to drag himself into the studio, he did his scratch vocals for _Shame In You_ and disappeared into the bathroom while Toby and Sam listened to the song. It was probably one of the most depressing songs Layne had written yet. The song centered on the depression he felt concerning Demri and her reasons for being in the hospital. Layne basically just took all the blame for their failed relationship.

Because Don Ienner and Michele Anthony were still complaining about the extensive studio time, Susan Silver paid a visit to the studio to speak with Toby and the band. The way Sam explained it later, the band was in the studio for a while and Susan was trying to gently prod them to get the record don without being too obvious about it.

Toby had thought highly of Susan. The album wouldn’t have been made without her. The fact that she was still their manager two decades after they started was a testament to how much the band respected her. However, that did not mean they wanted interference from her, Sony, Columbia, or anyone else on the album.

When Susan saw Layne and the condition he was in, she said, “You don’t have to do this. You have enough money to go and have a quiet life if that’s what you want. Go be with Demri.” Layne stared at the floor when she mentioned Demri. “Just go and do what makes you happy. Don’t do this if this is what’s perpetuating your addiction.”

Layne glanced up and shared a look with Jerry. For Susan, it was horrifying to see Layne in the condition he was in. When he was cognizant, he was sweet and funny, but he would fall asleep in a meeting with the record label. From Susan’s point of view, the album had to be stopped so many times due to Layne’s addiction and it seemed to be tearing everyone to shreds.

Toby concurred with Susan’s description. He and Sam had both talked to Jerry, Mike, and Sean about maybe stopping the sessions several times. To the band members, as long as Layne was working, it didn’t matter how long it took for him to get it done. Obviously, they didn’t stop the sessions. Toby may have protested and stayed home for a week. It was an extremely emotional time for everyone involved.

At one point, Toby was called into Susan’s office for a conference call with Don Ienner and Michele Anthony. Toby was given an ultimatum to take back to Layne: “Start showing up for work everyday or production will shut down.”

Toby felt horrible when he returned to the studio and had to sit Layne down. “Layne, I just got back from Susan’s office and a conference call with Don and Michele. If you don’t step up to the plate and come into the studio every day at a respectable time then Don and Michele want me to go home and this record won’t see the light of day.”

Between the news, or lack thereof, of Demri in the hospital, and Susan getting on his case, now the record company was telling him they’d pull the plug on the one thing that was keeping his mind busy. The depression and the news they’d pull the album out from under him got to him and he started crying from depression, exhaustion, and frustration.

The band members had their own meeting away from Toby and Sam and the record label. The three members talked to each other while focusing on Layne. The depression was adding to the toll the drugs were taking on him. Layne wasn’t oblivious. He knew his addiction was causing a problem with the making of the album.

“Layne, what are you thinking?” Mike asked.

Layne had zoned out for a bit but he was still alert. His eyes focused on the bass player. “They threatened to stop production altogether if I didn’t show up every day. With what’s going on with Demri, this album is what’s keeping my mind busy for the most part.”

“Do you want to keep working on the record?” Sean asked.

“Yes,” Layne replied softly.

“Okay then, we’ll see what we can do to make the new song a little less depressing than it ended up,” Sean gave Layne a small smile.

In the end, _Shame In You_ had an upbeat tone.


	8. God Am

**_God Am_ **   
_Dear God, how have you been then?_   
_I’m not fine, fuck pretending_   
_All of this death you’re sending_   
_Best throw some free heart mending_

Jerry heard the newest song Layne recorded. It was his most existential-thought-provoking song. He remembered the last line of _God Smack_ : _God’s name is smack for some_. The way Layne wrote the lyrics to _God Am_ they had a double entendre of talking about God as a higher entity or drug addiction that has taken over a person’s life.

For the beginning of _God Am_ , Layne recorded himself doing a crack hit from a bong. Layne saw the humor and it fit perfectly with the song. In all the years they knew each other, recording the bong hit was the only time Toby saw Layne use drugs. The studio version of _Intolerance_ by the band Tool started with a similar sound. Some people speculated that it was a bong hit. Being a fan of Tool, Toby could only guess that Layne meant the opening of _God Am_ to be an homage to that. Who knew what Layne was thinking at the time?

“Are we doing drugs in front of Toby and Sam now?” Jerry asked.

“I only did it for the effect on the song,” Layne rationalized.

Jerry leaned down and kissed along Layne’s throat as he ran his hands along the singer’s chest and stomach. Layne moaned softly. The fact that he could still feel anything was always a surprise to him. He could be high as a kite to keep from thinking about Demri’s situation and her rejection of him. When Jerry touched him it seared into his skin. Layne had a talon-like grip on Jerry’s hips as the guitarist straddled him and rocked their groins together.

“Jerry,” Layne breathed as he stretched his neck to give Jerry better access. “Babe, this couch is too small to be doing this.”

“So then, let’s go to your bedroom,” Jerry suggested between licking and kissing Layne’s neck.

Layne nodded. Jerry shuffled to his feet and pulled Layne up off the couch. Layne worked at opening the buttons on Jerry’s shirt while Jerry worked on pulling Layne’s shirt over his head. They were working on opening each other’s jeans when Jerry’s back hit the closed door of Layne’s bedroom. Jerry moaned as Layne’s tongue slipped into his mouth. He blindly reached for and turned the doorknob. They stumbled into the room. There were a few drug paraphernalia items on the dresser and nightstand but nothing that screamed ‘drug addict sleeps here.’ It was as if Layne knew Jerry was coming over and cleaned the condo.

Jerry hit the side of the bed and fell back onto the mattress. Jerry finished opening his own jeans while Layne stripped out of his own clothes. He tugged Jerry’s jeans all the way off along with Jerry’s underwear. Jerry spread his legs as Layne climbed on the bed and hovered over him, kissing along Jerry’s neck and chest. Jerry hissed as Layne’s teeth grazed a nipple.

Layne inwardly relished the feel of Jerry’s fingers in his hair. Anywhere Jerry touched him, his body came alive. Drug addiction usually deadened the sex drive, but whenever Jerry was around Layne felt everything. Jerry’s complete acceptance of him with all his flaws brought tears to Layne’s eyes. Mike and Sean accepted Layne too. But, the spiritual connection or whatever it was between him and Jerry went deeper.

Layne looked up and met Jerry’s eyes as he slid down Jerry’s body, dragging the flat of his tongue over Jerry’s abs. Layne wrapped his fingers around Jerry’s dick and stroked the length as he teased the crown. Jerry bucked his hips up trying to get Layne to take him into his mouth. Layne looked up at him and smiled. Layne had lost a couple of teeth, but to Jerry, he was still as gorgeous as he was when they were still working the clubs.

Jerry tugged on Layne’s arms. Layne took the hint and slide back up, bathing Jerry’s abs and stomach along the way. Their lips immediately fused together for a moment before Layne broke the kiss to trail kisses over Jerry’s neck and shoulder. 

“I know how you feel about me, so you don’t have to say it. But, I love you and need you,” Jerry breathed near Layne’s ear, “Don’t you dare leave me.”

“Why would you even think that?” Layne asked softly.

“Because the road you’re headed down worries me,” Jerry replied.

“If I wasn’t meant to be an addict then I wouldn’t have been given an addictive personality. If God does exist then why doesn’t he help me kick drugs when I tried rehab all the times before?” Layne inquired.

Now Jerry knew why Layne wrote _God Am_ the way he did. Lyrically, Layne was asking if God did exist, why didn’t He help Layne kick his addiction. Jerry would have to go back in and change some guitar parts on the song now that he knew where Layne was coming from with the song. Jerry wrapped his arms around Layne’s neck, holding the singer close.

“Do you have any lube in here?” Jerry asked.

“In the nightstand drawer,” Layne replied as he sucked a claiming mark on Jerry’s neck.

Jerry reached for the drawer, pulled it open, and rifled through it until he found the lube and held it up for Layne. Layne took the tube and reluctantly pulled away to sit up. He slicked his dick and worked his fingers into Jerry’s hole, carefully opening the guitarist as he sucked down the length of Jerry’s dick. Jerry’s fingers sifted through the dark blonde strands. It had been a while since Layne dyed his hair white blonde.

“ _Layne_ , fuck,” Jerry breathed as he rocked between Layne’s fingers and mouth. His eyes rolled back in his head when Layne moaned around his dick in response.

All too soon, Layne’s mouth and fingers were gone. Layne lined up and slowly pushed past the tight ring of muscle. Jerry could feel every inch as Layne slowly slid deeper. Layne fell into Jerry and the guitarist hugged him close. If their bodies could meld into each other it still wouldn’t be enough. A part of Jerry wanted to protect Layne from himself.

Layne thrust in slow and deep as he grabbed the headboard, using the wooden frame for leverage as his thrusts became more forceful. Jerry marveled that as weak as Layne appeared, he could still be aggressive in bed when he wanted to. The singer was still thin and frail-looking, but Layne still had that powerful voice that sent chills down Jerry’s spine. The things Layne had managed to do, using his voice like an instrument on this record was amazing. The only drawback was Layne’s depression and addiction, but Jerry learned how to work around the latter years ago and Layne seemed to push through the former to get the job done.

Jerry pulled Layne down against him and rolled them over. He straddled Layne’s hips and bounced up and down on Layne dick faster. He leaned down and kissed Layne. Layne held him in place with a hand on the back of his neck, his long blonde hair creating a curtain around them as Layne bucked up fast and hard from the bottom.

“Layne, I need to cum,” Jerry whispered.

“And yet, you haven’t. Am I not hitting the right place?” Layne shifted his hips under Jerry and bucked up until Jerry let out a yelp.

“Layne!” Jerry said exasperated.

“I’m not stopping you, babe. Cum already,” Layne teased.

Layne grabbed Jerry’s hips and pounded up into the guitarist until the dam burst and Jerry’s release painted Layne’s chest and stomach. The feeling of Jerry’s inner muscles convulsing around his dick, caused Layne to release deep inside Jerry. The guitarist carefully pulled away from Layne and collapsed on the bed beside him.

“I was thinking when I go back in the studio next, I’ll change that guitar riff to a more aggressive riff for _God Am_ now that I know where your head was at when you wrote it,” Jerry said as he tried to catch his breath.

“You actually formed a thought during that? Boy, have I lost my touch,” Layne commented.

“You haven’t lost your touch, babe,” Jerry assured him. “I was just working out logistics in the back of my head,” Jerry said.

“How is that not losing my touch?” Layne chuckled.


	9. So Close

**_So Close_ **  
_Man, I nearly snapped my twig_  
_Then again I nearly snapped a few of you_

Jerry stayed the night at the condo since it was closer to Bad Animals Studio than his own place. He blinked himself awake only to find Layne's big bed empty. Jerry got up and got dressed. He went looking for Layne and found the singer in his home studio. There were a couple of guitar stands, amps, and other assorted gear. Layne had his earphones on and a microphone was lying on the console. Jerry went over and tapped him on the shoulder. Layne startled a bit and pulled the headphones off.

“There’s coffee on in the kitchen if you want it,” Layne offered.

“Yeah, thanks. Is it okay if I take a shower?” Jerry asked groggily.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Layne said. “When you get back I want you to listen to something.”

“Okay,” Jerry shuffled out of the room.

The bathroom was clean of any visible evidence of drugs. Jerry took a quick shower, dressed, went into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and stepped into the home studio. Layne saw him come in and pulled off the earphones. He flipped a switch so that the speakers buzzed on and pressed ‘playback.’ His voice filled the room with an effect over it as some of the lyrics to _So Close_ filled the room. It wasn’t a complete song.

“That’s good, we should take this to Sean and Mike and work on it,” Jerry smiled. Layne returned a small smile.

Layne recorded a copy of his work. As he and Jerry were leaving the condo, a gossip column reporter met them outside the building. He were asking probing questions about how Layne was feeling and what did Layne have to say to the legions of Alice In Chains fans that think of him as a rock god. For the most part, Layne tried to ignore the reporter. When they got close enough to Jerry’s truck, the reporter got too close for comfort and Layne nearly hauled off and hit the guy, but Jerry was there to hold him back and practically shove Layne into the passenger seat of the truck. Slamming the door, Jerry ignored the reporter as he went around behind the truck to the driver’s side.

“I’m about to back up, if you don’t want to be run over I suggest you move,” Jerry warned as he got in the truck and started it up. Jerry backed up, revved the engine, and burned a six-inch rubber mark on the pavement as he left the parking lot.

When they got to the studio, Jerry and Layne filled Sean and Mike in on what Layne was working on and what had transpired in the parking lot. Toby and Sam were actually surprised to see Layne more alert and animated than he had been in months. Whatever happened in the last week, Layne had somewhat improved incrementally. Toby doubted it had anything to do with the ultimatum of ‘show up every day or we’ll shut down production.’ Similar to the one time they saw Layne do a bong hit for _God Am_ , Toby had never actually seen Layne openly do drugs. Toby and Sam weren’t privy to the inner dynamics of the Layne and Jerry relationship. They just knew that if they relayed something to Jerry, somehow, someway, Jerry got Layne to agree and do it.

Mike and Sean helped fill in the blanks, writing about the pressure to tour and make as much music as possible since Jar of Flies was number one. The band as a whole didn’t make music for quick cash though. They made the music they liked and could hold up on an album. They wrote about Layne’s addiction and the band’s turmoil and problems with fame. They basically questioned why they were writing this record when they weren’t ready. They wrote about being pressured to tour again because of their worldwide fame. Some of the lyrics talked about Layne’s addiction issues and how he couldn’t stay clean.

They included lyrics regarding the pressures from the music industry and media constantly prying at everything and how he nearly lost his mind. But, he nearly lashed out and lost his cool on a few reporters including the one that morning in the parking lot at his condo. They also addressed his rock god idol status and asked why their fans were putting them on a pedestal.

When the song was done, it was one of Mike’s favorite songs off the album. Jerry couldn’t be more proud when Layne knocked out his vocals on the better microphones in the booth. Mike and Sean’s input is what made the song a product of Alice In Chains, but when Jerry wrote music or lyrics for a song, all he heard was Layne’s voice singing it in his head. To listen to that voice on playback or live always did something to Jerry. That’s why Jerry was afraid to lose Layne. There was never going to be a day where Jerry would be ready to lose Layne.

Where reporters hounded Layne about his rock god status or his addiction, several reporters have asked Jerry about Layne as if they were asking for a status report on the singer. Even when Layne was so depressed he had to be cajoled into singing, Jerry never ran Layne down in an interview. If anything, Jerry – and by extension, Mike and Sean – protected their singer. They might have their inner squabbles like any family, but they banded around each other against outsiders. The same went for Mike Starr. The problems that led to him leaving the band were an internal issue. They never said anything bad about Starr to outsiders. Even Mike Inez kept his comments very professional.

When Toby had his back turned facing the console, Jerry and Layne were feeling each other up. When Toby or Sam turned around to see what the band thought, Jerry and Layne quickly yanked their hands back and looked as if they were seriously considering whatever it was they weren’t paying attention to. When Toby and Sam turned back to the console, Layne and Jerry had to readjust themselves.

For the time being, Jerry had pulled Layne out of his depression. Of course, Layne’s mood swings went from deeply depressed to him and Jerry acting like horny teenagers behind Toby and Sam’s back. Layne was only high enough to keep the withdrawal symptoms away. Sean just rolled his eyes, but Mike was silently getting a kick out of Layne and Jerry’s antics. It seemed like Layne and Jerry were trying to get each other to cream their jeans first. However, Jerry lost when he heard Layne sing _So Close_ on the playback.

“Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom,” Layne announced suddenly.

When he left the room, Jerry suddenly got up and gestured to the door. “I gotta – go – do something – somewhere . . . .” He walked out of the control room and hurriedly followed Layne.

“What was that about?” Sam asked.

Sean and Mike gave each other sidelong glances and Mike just smiled and shook his head.

Layne wasn’t in the bathroom a minute or two before the door crashed open and slammed shut. Jerry trapped the singer against the wall and kissed him. Layne wrapped his arms around Jerry’s neck and the guitarist ground their jean-clad erections together. Layne released him to reach down and open his jeans. They slowly circled each other until Jerry leaned against the wall. Layne broke the kiss and dropped to his knees. He pulled Jerry’s jeans down past his hips. Jerry’s nearly cracked his head when it fell back against the wall as Layne took his dick into the wet heat of his mouth.

Jerry looked down to watch Layne suck him off and clean the remnants of the orgasm he had in the control room. Layne stood up and kissed Jerry, letting the guitarist taste himself on Layne’s tongue before he pulled away.

“I know I don’t always say it, Jer. I hope some of my actions speak louder than words, because without you . . . with what’s going on with Demri and the record company . . . I’d be in a rubber room right now if it wasn’t for you,” Layne confessed.

“I know, Layne,” Jerry whispered as he moved around until Layne was up against the wall. Jerry sucked a claiming mark on Layne’s neck as he reached into Layne’s jeans to stroke the singer’s dick. The dual sensations caused Layne to moan and buck his hips as Jerry stroked him. Layne bucked against Jerry and shuddered as the orgasm hit him like a Mack truck, the release erupting on Jerry’s hand. Jerry pulled away enough to lick his hand and fingers clean.

The door to the bathroom opened, startling them a bit. Sean poked his head in. “Are you guys finished yet? Toby wants to know if he can get a take or two of Layne’s vocals now that he’s more energized than he has been in months.”

“Toby knows I don’t do more than two takes!” Layne said in mock-indignation.

Jerry and Layne tucked their dicks away and fastened their jeans. Jerry licked his lips and smiled as he grabbed Layne and dragged him out of the bathroom with him. “Come on, Layne, give Toby a thrill.”

“Bad choice of words, Cantrell! You really don’t want my voice giving Toby the same thrill you get from it. Otherwise, I’d be singing in my bedroom voice,” Layne teased.

“You better not! We don’t need the engineers creaming their jeans too!” Mike interjected.

“Oh my God! How am I going to scrub that image from my mind!?” Sean cried.

“Don’t worry the bedroom voice only comes out at special times. Even I hardly hear it,” Jerry laughed.

“Ack! I use it all the time on you. You’re telling me you can’t notice it after all this time?” Layne sounded hurt.

“Of course, I do babe!” Jerry smirked.

“Too much information!” Sean said putting his hands over his ears.


	10. Nothin' Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait especially for a "short" chapter on a song about writer's block. Real life crept in. I'm still winterizing around my property.

**_Nothin’ Song_ **   
_Began this take at 7:38_   
_Head hit the board, enough that it aches_   
_Wonder should I be working so late_

For Sam Hofstedt’s birthday, some of the studio employees went to an erotic bakery and bought him a cake shaped like a naked woman. After eating a few pieces, Hofstedt left the cake out in the lounge for anyone to eat. The cake was still in the lounge a month later.

While that was going on, Layne was working on _Nothin’ Song_ and had hit writer’s block. Hofstedt had the impression that Layne was tired of writing lyrics and wrote down things off the top of his head and what was going on around him. Sam’s cake made it into the song: _Back inside, Sam, throw away your cake_. Toby figured Layne was tapped out when he started commenting on what was going on in the studio in his songs.

Layne had come up with the catchy chorus of: _Well, the nothin’ song sticks to your mouth / like peanut butter on the brain / Hey-ey-ee / Nothin’ ever stays the same_. Layne was literally banging his head against the console when Jerry came in.

“Hey, hey,” Jerry said with a smirk. “No need to bang your head, you’ll end up with the imprint of the console on your forehead.”

“I’m completely tapped out on lyrics,” Layne groaned.

“Oh my God, Layne Staley at a loss for words,” Jerry chuckled. Layne half-heartedly threw a wadded up sheet of paper at him. Jerry sat down next to him as Layne sat up. “What have you got, babe?”

Layne pushed the legal pad over to Jerry and leaned his head back on the backrest of the chair. Mike and Sean were in the studio jamming to a drumbeat and baseline. Jerry knocked on the window until he got their attention and waved them in. Mike and Sean put their instruments away and went around to the control room. Layne closed his eyes and listened to Jerry and Sean bicker over which lyrics to add to what Layne had written.

“The nothin’ song sticks to your mouth, like peanut butter on the brain?” Sean recited. He looked at Layne skeptically. “I think Layne has finally lost his ever-loving mind.”

“He hasn’t lost his mind. We just drained his brain cells,” Jerry said defensively with a soft smile.

“I vote we go back to the way it was before when I was called in after all this shit was written and I just sang what’s on the page,” Layne groaned tiredly. He started humming the tune to Mad Season’s _I Don’t Know Anything_ for emphasis.

The session was briefly interrupted for a few days so Johnny Cash could record a cover of Willie Nelson’s _Time of the Preacher_ for the Twisted Willie tribute album. Cash was backed by a grunge supergroup consisting of Soundgarden’s Kim Thayil, Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic, and Sean on drums.

Layne had disappeared while the Twisted Willie sessions were going on. Jerry also recorded a cover of _I’ve Seen All This World I Care to See_ for the same album. While Jerry was in the studio, he glanced up and was surprised to see Layne in the control room sitting at the console smoking a cigarette. Jerry stopped the session, put down his guitar, and went into the control room.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were a country fan,” Jerry smiled.

“I’m a Jerry Cantrell fan,” Layne quipped dryly.

“Sean and I got your song done,” Jerry informed him.

“Oh, goody,” Layne faux cheered.

“It’s okay, babe, we all get writer’s block from time to time,” Jerry said. “Are you on anything today?”

“No! No! I’m not on drugs,” Layne practically yelled as he slammed his hands on the console. “I wish to fuck I was on something today. The record company wants me here at nine a.m., you wanted me to write songs. Fine. But quit trying to run my life! I was here to support _you_ while you did your song for whatever tribute album you’re working on. That’s all! I’m doing what you all expect of me. What more do you want from me?!”

“Layne, it’s okay. I’m sorry. Here,” Jerry sifted through a stack of paper and pulled out the lyrics to _Nothin’ Song_. He handed it over. “See what you think babe.”

Layne looked over the lyrics. They had written or created instrumentals of some twenty or thirty songs. Layne wrote what he felt. The tracks he wasn’t particularly feeling anything about, he passed on and went to the next one. He liked the instrumental of _Nothin’ Song_ that Jerry, Sean, and Mike came up with, but he’d just written so much that he was becoming tapped out.

Jerry nuzzled Layne’s neck until a small smirk appeared on Layne’s face. “Now that you have a finished song, do you forgive me?”

“Maybe, let me see if I can come up with a way to sing it, and then I’ll decide if I forgive you,” Layne replied.

Jerry kissed the singer’s cheek as he felt up Layne’s inner thigh and got up to leave him alone to do his scratch vocals.

“Damn it, Jerry! I’ll get you back for that later,” Layne said through gritted teeth as he shifted to rearrange his half-hard dick. He glanced over his shoulder to see Jerry smirk before he walked out of the room and shut the door.


	11. Frogs

**_Frogs_ **  
_What does friend mean to you?_  
_A word so wrongfully abused_  
_Are you like me, confused?_  
_All included but you_  
_Alone_

“Layne? Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” Jerry asked from above him.

Layne lay on his stomach on his bed. Jerry straddled his hips as he caressed his hands along the sides of Layne’s back and kissed along Layne’s shoulders. The bedroom was meticulously clean of paraphernalia which was the norm now when Jerry showed up. 

“You’re still drinking. We all have our vices,” Layne replied.

“I won’t stop trying to save you even from yourself,” Jerry whispered near his ear. “I love you too much to keep silent. I can’t physically stop you from doing what you’re doing to yourself, but it doesn’t mean I won’t try to talk you out of it.”

Jerry felt Layne move. He sat up enough for Layne to turn over under him. The guitarist moved down and slowly kissed and licked his way up Layne’s stomach and over his chest. He could feel how thin Layne was and see the singer’s rib cage. It was upsetting to see how Layne was wasting away and yet he refused any kind of help. Susan should have let Layne try rehab one last time before they started really working on the album and then to turn around with a false concern about his well-being when she showed up to guilt-trip them into finishing the album before they were ready to be done was underhanded.

“Damn it, Layne, I’m not ready to lose you,” Jerry said softly.

“I’m still here,” Layne replied. 

Layne wrapped his arm around Jerry’s shoulders and pulled him close, moving to suck a claiming mark on the guitarist’s neck as he rolled them over so he was on top. Layne reached down and wrapped his fingers around Jerry’s dick and stroked the length. He rocked his hips, grinding against Jerry as he listened to the guitarist moan near his ear.

Layne never knew what to say. Where it was easy for Jerry to say he loved him because Jerry was sentimental that way, Layne could only show in action how he felt. Jerry was busy sucking his own mark on Layne’s neck, moaning into the skin as Layne stroked him. Jerry reached between them and stroked Layne’s dick.

Jerry moaned as Layne stroked him faster. Jerry caressed the back of Layne’s neck, his fingers tangling in Layne’s curls. What he felt for Layne made it seem like his heart would burst out of his chest. His heart almost hurt when he heard a whispered declaration of love from Layne as if the singer was afraid to voice it out loud.

“What was that, Layne?” Jerry asked.

Layne propped himself up on a forearm and looked down at Jerry. “I said I love you and I was sorry.”

“I told you before I never asked for a ‘sorry.’ Our lives are what they are. I told you before I would take what I could get,” Jerry said.

“You deserve better than me,” Layne said.

“Better than one of the greatest singers in rock and roll history and on top of that he’s my best friend? I don’t think so,” Jerry said. “There’s no one better to me than you.”

“Even with all my issues?” Layne arched a brow.

“You could be dragged through the ninth circle of hell and I’d still want you,” Jerry smirked.

“The ninth circle of hell is for those who are treacherous and betray, Jerry,” Layne eyed him suspiciously.

“And yet, I’d still take you back,” Jerry smiled.

Layne sat up and reached for the lube. He raised Jerry’s long legs, draping his knees over his shoulders. He used the lube on his dick and the excess on Jerry’s ass. He tossed the tube and slowly pressed forward, groaning deeply when he felt Jerry’s inner muscles grab and pull him inside – the slick velvety walls sheathing his dick like a glove.

Layne leaned forward, nearly bending Jerry in half as he thrust slowly in. They were close enough to share breath as his dick slid deeper until he couldn’t go further. He steadily pulled all the way out only to immediately push back in. Jerry’s soft moans heightened his arousal, urging him on as he teased the guitarist.

“Fuck, Jer,” Layne groaned when he felt Jerry’s inner muscles contract around him.

Layne thrust in even harder, grinding his hips against Jerry, hearing the guitarist moan urged him on until he let Jerry’s legs fall to the bed and he fell forward. Jerry caught him, kissing Layne as he pressed his knees against Layne’s sides. Jerry wrapped his arms around Layne’s neck, his fingers burying in Layne’s hair while they shared a kiss. Layne thrust in deeply, grinding against him while Jerry glided his blunt nails down Layne’s shoulder and back.

“I got you,” Jerry whispered between kisses.

Layne rose up enough to watch Jerry’s reactions as he repeatedly thrust in deep and withdrew. Jerry refused to release his hold on Layne’s neck and hips.

“Yeah, Jerry,” Layne urged as he bucked his hips faster and felt the inner muscles contract around him, listening to Jerry moan intermittently.

Jerry reached down to stroke his dick faster. “Fuck, Layne!”

Layne watched through passion-glazed eyes as creamy strands of cum landed on Jerry’s stomach and chest, pushing Layne to move faster as the guitarist shuddered through an orgasm, Jerry’s body quaking as his orgasm subsided, still feeling Layne languidly move inside him.

Layne pulled away, sat back, and looked down at Jerry through half-lidded eyes. When he carefully extracted his dick from Jerry’s hole, he heard the guitarist moan sadly at the loss and reassuringly massaged the lean hip and quivering thigh as he stroked his dick over Jerry’s body.

Jerry thought Layne’s loss of control was hot before, but it didn’t compare to this moment, as he watched the singer’s head fall back while he stroked himself off with a tight grip, massaging his balls with his other hand. Jerry reached out to caress a muscular hip and thigh, watching while the orgasm ripped through Layne’s body and the singer came all over his stomach.

Layne finally released his dick, running a hand over his own stomach and chest, releasing a groan of satisfaction. Layne’s other hand moved possessively over Jerry’s hand on his hip, watching Jerry. Layne leaned down, teasing his tongue across Jerry’s skin, licking up the cum from the guitarist’s abs and stomach then continuing up to his chest and neck.

Layne felt Jerry’s touch burn his skin as the guitarist slid his hands along Layne’s sides and the back of his neck as Layne brushed his mouth over Jerry’s lips. Jerry could taste their combined semen on Layne’s tongue and moaned softly. Layne sprinkled kisses along Jerry’s jawline and buried his face against Jerry’s neck. Layne groaned against Jerry’s neck as he lay over him.

The next morning, neither could remember which of them fell asleep first. Layne woke up to find Jerry missing from the bed. He rolled out of bed, found a pair of black sweatpants to wear, and went looking for the guitarist. He found him in his home studio. Jerry was listening to a song Layne had been working on at home while the studio was being used for the Willie Nelson tribute album.

“Are you snooping?” Layne asked in a mildly accusatory tone.

“I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t resist listening to anything you were working on,” Jerry replied. “It’s a depressing song when you read the lyrics you wrote, but it's beautiful the way you sang it. The scratch vocals on this . . . I don’t think Toby should touch this. The frogs that cost us a fortune to record, you used them for this song.”

“Well, I couldn’t let all that money go to waste,” Layne gave Jerry a small smile.

The majority of _Frogs_ dealt with betrayal and loneliness. It mentioned addiction and its effects, a common theme throughout the album thus far. Because of its sludgy sound and doomed lyrics – especially with the spoken verse at the end – _Frogs_ could be considered Alice In Chains’ bleakest song. It is also the longest song in their catalog, clocking in at eight minutes and eighteen seconds.

“What effect did you use on the spoken verse?” Jerry asked.

“I have a Jimi Hendrix fuzz face effects box and Toby found a plastic battery-operated square mic like the Elvis type. You couldn’t sing too loud into it. It sounds like an AM radio. I did some doubling effects with that by messing with the mid-range, tone, and treble and taking the low end out.” Layne shrugged. “I just wanted to make it more interesting.”

“We have to go back and use that effect on _Grind_ and a couple of other songs, babe. That sounded great on that spoken verse,” Jerry said.

The spoken verse had a reference to Layne’s age when the album would end up being released and references to the 27 Club. There was a line “ _off the wall I scrape you_ ” that was a call back to _Dirt_ and the lyrics “ _I want to taste dirt, a stinging pistol / In my mouth, on my tongue / I want you to scrape me from the walls_.”

In the context of _Dirt_ , it was a bleak allusion to suicide by gunshot. In line with the 27 Club, the lyric in _Frogs_ could have been alluding to Kurt Cobain, who had died from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head. Layne was still suspicious about what really happened to Kurt. He never believed for a minute that Kurt would have committed suicide and definitely not that way.

Jerry mulled over the lyrics. The song seemed to be a self-reflection of Layne’s hard-fought survival with his addiction in the music industry. So many artists, some of which they knew personally, had become members of the 27 Club due to their own struggles with addiction.

The one lyric that had stuck with Jerry and nearly scared the hell out of him was “ _I’m still young, it’ll be me_.” His eyes looked haunted as he stared at Layne wondering how long he would have with the singer. It was rumored – most likely an urban legend – that Jim Morrison could feel his death coming while he was on stage in Miami in 1969. Morrison died two years later of cocaine-induced heart failure in a bathtub in Paris at the age of 27 in 1971. The irony of ironies, his longtime girlfriend, Pamela Courson died three years after him in 1974 of a drug overdose at the age of 27.

At that moment, Jerry had an epiphany. He wondered if this was the kind of thing Layne saw, both the light and dark, when he wrote lyrics. When Jerry wrote lyrics, even his songs meant to be love songs to Courtney were angsty. When Layne wrote, it was like he was between two metaphysical worlds. He wrote about drugs and his feelings on his own addiction knowing exactly what it was doing to him, but he wouldn’t or couldn’t stop. No matter how Jerry tried to get him to change the path he was on, Layne ignored him and went on until all Jerry could do was watch it happen.

“What?” Layne asked from his spot leaning against the doorjamb.

Jerry got up, closed the distance between them, and hugged Layne’s frail-looking body as tight as he dared. Layne startled a little at suddenly being caught up in a hug. He had no clue what had gotten into Jerry. Layne slowly wrapped his arms around Jerry’s waist and hugged him back.

“Jerry?” Layne’s inquiry sounded muffled against Jerry’s shoulder. “You want to tell me what’s up with you?”

“We have to get that song back to Sean and Mike. See if they can extend some of those parts to go with your lyrics,” Jerry said, giving voice to the first thoughts he had upon listening to the song.

“You don’t think eight minutes and eighteen seconds is long enough? It’s already longer than _Stairway to Heaven_. Unless you want it to be longer than Pink Floyd’s _Shine On You Crazy Diamond_.”

“No, that’s twenty-six minutes long. I can’t last that long on one song live, even with an improvised guitar solo,” Jerry smiled sadly.

“Okay, babe. We’ll take it to Sean and Mike and see what they could do with it. But it was fine before I put vocals on it. I wouldn’t have picked it to work on if I didn’t like the instrumental,” Layne said.

“Once I tell them what I have in mind, you’ll see what I mean when you hear the finished product,” Jerry said.

“Record a copy while I go get changed into some clothes,” Layne said as he extracted himself from Jerry’s arms and left the room, heading for his bedroom.

After Layne got dressed, he found the rig he had stowed in the back of the dresser drawer, did a shot to keep the withdrawal symptoms away. He let the euphoria hit him for a few minutes, put the rig away, and went to find Jerry to go to the studio. 


	12. Over Now

**_Over Now_ **   
_Yeah, it’s over now_   
_But I can breathe somehow_   
_When it’s all worn out_   
_I’d rather go without_

“You do realize that the second we put this song on the album, every fan will think this is the end of the band as they know it?” Sean asked.

“I think we made it vague enough that it could mean the end of anything: a failed relationship –” Jerry started to say.

“Or the band’s impending demise since I’m unable to tour and you don’t want to be a studio band that didn’t tour,” Layne said, sounding depressed.

“Layne, we’ve talked about this. It has nothing to do with you. This song is about finally finishing this album so that Susan and the record company will get off our backs,” Jerry said.

Music critics on the outside looking in at what seemed to be a chaotic band who fought with each other would claim that the band was unsure how they were going to meet their contractual obligations to Columbia Records. Of course, those critics didn’t know the band had created some twenty or thirty instrumental pieces that Layne had passed on or was generally never used. Those same critics blamed Layne for not being able to tour due to his drug addiction being so bad and the future of the band was uncertain at best.

To screw with those same critics, Jerry added a version of _Taps_ to the beginning of the song that came from Ted Lewis and The Orchestra’s _Good Night_ , released in 1956 on the album The Medicine Man for the Blues.

Rocky Schenck, who had a good relationship with the band – having done most of their promo shots and photographs over the years – photographed the three-legged dog for the album cover at a playground near downtown Los Angeles on August 23, 1995. The dog on the cover was “officially in memory of a dog which chased Sean during his boyhood paper-route duty,” according to the liner notes of the Music Bank box set that would come out four years later.

Rocky did a casting for three-legged dogs for the shoot, and the band ended up choosing a fax of one of the submitted photos as the cover shot. The photos that Rocky shot at the playground would eventually end up on the pages of the Music Bank box set liner notes.

Alice In Chains or Tripod or the Dog album – whichever title you want to call it – was released on November 3, 1995, three months after the band was done working on it and like Jar of Flies, it debuted at number one on the Billboard charts. The album has since been certified triple platinum. Of the album's four singles, _Grind_ , _Again_ , _Over Now_ , and _Heaven Beside You_ , three of them feature Cantrell on lead vocals. _Over Now_ is the longest song they released as a single, clocking in at seven minutes and twelve seconds.


	13. The Nona Tapes

On September 24, 1995, Rocky Schenck flew up to Seattle to photograph the band and film what was originally intended to be a video press kit, which became the hilarious mockumentary **_The Nona Tapes_**. It turned out to be one of Rocky’s absolute favorite experiences with the band.

It was supposed to be a serious pre-interview type of thing where the reporter glosses over what would be discussed in the interview before the actual interview occurred. By the time the band was done with it, the video could have given **_This Is Spinal Tap_** a run for its money.

The video showed how the band members spent their free time supposedly since the Dirt album and tour ended. Rocky had discussed with each member how their exaggerated lives would be portrayed. Jerry was shown shoveling manure at a horse stable when he was approached by an interviewer asking about the new Alice In Chains album.

Jerry told the interviewer, played by Rocky’s producer, Katherine Shaw, that he’d been working at the stable since that music thing went sour a few years back but Sony had let the band do another record, so he was headed back to the rock and roll thing.

Jerry dressed up in his surprise costume. He sat in the car and the band’s tour manager brought Layne over and introduced Nona as their producer’s mother and Layne believed it. Layne got in the car and then freaked out because Nona kept smiling at him really weird until Layne finally figured it out and it scared the hell out of Layne who then wouldn’t be within ten feet of Jerry as Nona. Later, Layne would get used to Jerry in drag in a parody situation but Jerry was too convincing as Nona when they were first introduced.

The mockumentary followed aspiring journalist Nona Weisbaum on her quest to find some Seattle rock stars for a breakthrough story. She had yet to be published even though she had submitted articles before to _Redbook_ and _Sassy_ without success. In between the Nona segments, Rocky asked the questions while photographing the band in different areas of the studio and on the couch.

**************************

“How long did you work on this record?” Rocky asked.

Jerry sat on the couch with Sean, Layne who was bent over enamored with his shoes, and Mike who sat on top of the back of the couch. Sean fidgeted with his fingers as Jerry looked at Layne’s bent figure.

“It was April to what . . . August? Beginning of August . . . end of April, beginning of August,” Jerry inquired.

“Sounds about right,” Layne mumbled.

Jerry looked at the camera and counted on his fingers, a digit disappearing every time he said, “Four, four, four, four months!”

**************************

In the second segment of Nona riding along in the car, she said, “Seattle is known for its grunge musicians. Uh, lots of hair, lots of sweat. The word ‘grunge’ just turns me on, something fierce. We’re going to drive around until we find a Vedder or a Staley or any Seattle rock star. We’ll even take drummers. We’ll see what happens. Let’s enjoy our ride.”

**************************

“When this record comes out what will people notice most about it?” Katherine asked as Rocky photographed the band in another position.

The camera caught Layne smiling with a couple of missing teeth, wearing a bandana, beard, and a pair of black leather gloves as Sean answered, “The songs!”

“All new songs, twelve all-new songs,” Jerry interjected.

“I hope they notice there’s new songs on the record,” Sean said.

**************************

Katherine held a mock interview with Layne in another room dressed up to look like a formal interview stage.

“Hi, I’m in Seattle, Washington,” Katherine said in her softest interviewer voice, “to talk with Layne Staley, the lead singer for the recording group Alice In Chains.” She turned her focus on the singer, “Hi, Layne! I understand you have a new record coming out. What’s it called?”

Layne had a different bandana on his head but still wore the same pair of black leather gloves as before and a brown leather jacket over a flannel shirt.

“It’s called nothing. It’s just titled Alice In Chains on the record,” Layne said.

However, the video footage showed him answering a completely different question under the voiceover. It was Layne’s idea to have his mouth movements not match up to the responses to the interview questions. He would say one thing during the on-camera portion of the interview and later overdub the video with an audio recording of an entirely different question.

**************************

Back to the interview couch, Katherine asked, “What did you say on this record you haven’t said before?”

“I think we’ve used every single word multiple times. We didn’t say anything different,” Jerry quipped.

Rocky took the band to the alley and photographed them against the stucco walls of the building. Sean and Mike were photographed against the gray cement brick walls of the building. Later, Mike, Sean, and Layne pulled the film out and scoured the negative prints against the light in the interview room.

**************************

In the third segment of Nona riding in the back of the car, they pulled up next to Sean. As Nona went to introduce herself, she grabbed Sean’s arm and pulled him into the car. Telling her driver to hightail it, Sean and Nona rolled over each other and Sean tried to escape by climbing over the trunk of the convertible, but Nona grabbed him by the back of the jeans and hauled him back into the car.

**************************

Still stuck in the formal interview setting, Katherine asked, “And what are some of the new songs on the new record?”

“ _Griiiinddd_ , _Brush Away_ , and _Heaven Beside You_ ,” Layne replied, although there were more songs that Layne had finished but they weren’t used on the album even though they were on the ‘finished’ board.

**************************

At the interview couch between photo shoots, Rocky asked, “What was your first job? Like mine was being a dishwasher.”

“Dishwasher?” Layne echoed disbelievingly.

“Paper route,” Jerry and Mike answered simultaneously.

“Yeah, paper route,” Layne said.

“Yeah, I had the same thing, paper route,” Sean said. Layne smiled, but then remembered his missing teeth, closed his mouth, and smirked. “I don’t know if that counts as a job. As long as you can ride a bicycle they give you that job.”

“I don’t think I’d call the guy who slams a paper against my door every night a job,” Layne protested. “I’m going to give _him_ a job. Every night I jump off the couch. _Wham_!”

“The best part about being a paperboy was dunking inserts,” Jerry said.

“The best part about being a paperboy was getting attacked by seven Collies while the owner went, ‘ _Hey, get over here!_ ’” Layne said which made Sean laugh at his interpretation.

**************************

The camera followed Sean – dressed in a clown costume with full makeup – into a beauty parlor. The hairdresser was teasing his clown wig into a point on either side of his head. The interviewer who had tracked Jerry down to the horse stable tracked Sean to the beauty parlor.

“We’re here in Seattle and came across Sean Kinney, drummer for Alice In Chains. It appears that – Sean? Sean Kinney?”

“Yes?” Sean inquired as he finally noticed her.

“Hi! How are you?” she asked.

“Fine, and yourself?” Sean nodded.

“Ah, good. I understand that you have a new record coming out with Alice In Chains,” the reporter commented.

“Why we do,” Sean said in his best Bozo the clown voice. The hairdresser laughed.

“Well, that’s wonderful,” the interviewer said. “It looks like you’ve been doing something else with your time in the meanwhile.”

“No, not much,” Sean said.

“How long have you been clowning?” the interviewer asked.

“Ah, about three – three years or so,” Sean replied as the hairdresser used hairspray on his wig.

“Are you looking forward to getting back in the band?” the interviewer asked.

“Um, yeah. It’s going to be a lot like this right now,” Sean said gesturing toward his hair and makeup. “Just without the wig.”

“So, you can draw a parallel between drumming with Alice In Chains and your experiences making children happy?”

Sean clasped his hands together. “Well, both go hand in hand, making children happy across this great land.” He squeezed his clown nose a couple of times making it squeak which made the hairdresser laugh.

“Do you expect to continue clowning with the release of the new record?” the interviewer asked.

“No, this is actually my –” Sean looked sad. “This is my last day of clowning. I’m going to miss it but you have to move on. You can’t just sit in one place too long or else you get kind of a wide end backyard. Too much TV, too many snacks.”

**************************

At the interview couch between photo shoots, Rocky asked, “What was the first record you bought?”

“I didn’t buy a record,” Jerry said. “My dad forced one on me.”

“Merle Haggard?” Sean suggested.

“No, it was Elton John,” Jerry corrected him. “I don’t know where he came up with that one. It was the only one he didn’t like. He was like ‘here, you want this?’”

“The first record I ever bought was the _Banana Splits_ 45,” Sean said and then did a high rendition of the tune.

“I got to admit, I went out and bought the **_Saturday Night Fever_** album,” Jerry confessed. “I still have that.”

“Who didn’t?” Sean shrugged. “Everybody’s got one.”

Layne lay on the other end of the couch wearing the red bandana and Harley-Davidson motorcycle goggles. “The first full-length record that I _bought_ –”

“Carter and Cash?” Sean suggested.

“—was, uh, Adam and the Ants, Kings of the Wild Frontier, I think,” Layne finished. “It’s a good record. I should listen to that again.”

**************************

In the fourth segment of Nona riding in the back of the car with Sean who had his arm around her.

“Hi, this is Nona, and we’re back with Sean here,” she held the mic between them.

“Hi,” Sean said bashfully.

“We just had a few drinks. I decided the little lad here,” Nona patted Sean’s thigh, “needed a little calming down, and he’s doing just fine right now. So, uh, tell me how long have you been in this Alice In Chains band?”

“From the beginning, _Nona_ ,” Sean who was a little tipsy, giggled.

“Now, here’s another question I wanted to ask you: do you feel like the name ‘Alice In Chains’ is misogynist in any way?” Nona held out the mic to Sean.

“What’s that mean?” Sean giggled.

“Misogynist, you know,” Nona started rubbing Sean’s chest over his leather jacket. “Touchy, feely.”

“Oh, I like that,” Sean as he moved closer.

**************************

The camera shifted to show Jerry out of drag, pointing inside a dumpster where Sean was laying on a bare mattress.

“You know the best part about this new record is it’s like twelve all-new songs.” Jerry laughed as Sean continued, “We didn’t even use any of the old songs. We actually recorded twelve new ones.”

**************************

In the fifth segment of Nona riding in the back of the car with Sean. This time she had her arm around his shoulders.

“So tell me about the other boys you play with,” she held the mic between them.

“Uh, Jerry, Mike, Layne,” Sean replied. “They’re three men. Three other men.”

“Now, do you feel misrepresented as a drummer?” Nona asked.

“No,” Sean was unsure of the line of questioning. “I hit things with sticks.”

“Do you occasionally hit the other members, like maybe with some leather? Maybe a little cologne and –?” Nona held the mic out to him.

“You can’t prove that!” Sean deadpanned.

**************************

There were more photo shots with the band where Jerry stayed close to Layne.

**************************

In the sixth segment of Nona riding in the back of the car with Sean.

“Hi, I’m Nona, back with Sean. How are you doing, Sean?” she asked.

“I’m doing good, Nona,” Sean replied with a grin he couldn’t suppress.

“Is that one of your other boys over there?” Nona asked pointing at a guy on the sidewalk.

“Yes! Why that’s Mike Inez,” Sean replied.

Nona turned and yelled into the mic, “Uh, Mikey! Mikey, could you come over here to the car?! Hi! How are you doing? I’m Nona.”

Mike Inez climbed in over the side of the car. “Hello there, Nona.” Mie got settled on the opposite side of Nona from Sean.

“How are you?” Nona asked. “You doing alright today?”

Mike wrapped his arm around her. “I’m doing better now, baby.” He leaned back and took a drag off his cigarette.

“All right. Okay, we have two Seattle rock boys with us now,” Nona said, addressing the camera. “I must say I’m feeling quite a bit better.” Mike was feeling up Nona’s breast as he looked the other way.

“So, tell me, Mike, how long have you been in this band, this Alice In Chains band?” Nona asked.

“Uh, about three years now,” Mike replied.

“And, how do you feel about your relationship with the other guys?” Nona asked.

“They’re, uh, they’re really nice guys. Jerry – Jerry – he has kind of a feminine side to him. He’s in touch with his feminine side,” Mike said thoughtfully.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, honey,” Nona cut in. “There’s nothing wrong with that. Let me just tell you right now.”

“I agree and might I add that you are a fine specimen of womanhood?” Mike teased.

“Well, thank you very much,” Nona commented and kissed Mike’s cheek. “You’re beautiful, beautiful.”

Mike would have felt really strange about this interview if he didn’t know that Jerry and Layne were possessive and short of being married by this point for all intents and purposes. Frail or not, Mike was afraid if Layne took this whole scenario wrong, the singer would kick his ass for flirting with Jerry even if he was in drag and it was for an album promo video.

**************************

Still stuck in the formal interview setting, Katherine asked, “How do you feel this Alice In Chains record is different from say the last two Alice In Chains records?”

“Um, we recorded it on the spot without writing before the record,” Layne replied.

“And where did you record it?” Katherine asked.

“At Bad Animals in Seattle,” he replied.

**************************

The camera followed Jerry around as he talked on an old, clunky cell phone. “No, buy Depends! Depends! Put all our money into Depends. That’s right it’s going to be big. People are going to be losing a lot of control in the bowel movements. Something to do with the ozone.”

Sean was still in the dumpster lying on the bare mattress. “I got evicted from my apartment here.” Sean pointed up at the building above him. “So I’ve just been kind of toying with them, staying here because it’s a good location. Cheap rent.”

Jerry squatted down in a milk crate. “Look, I’m a man in a box.” Sean rolled his eyes hearing that.

**************************

At the interview couch between photo shoots, Sean sat on the arm of the couch, Layne leaned over in the middle and Mike was still on the back of the couch.

“The songs are about things we were thinking and then we wrote them down,” Layne said sarcastically. “And when you listen to them, whatever you think it’s about. That’s what it’s about.”

**************************

In the seventh segment of Nona riding in the back of the car with Sean and Mike.

“What was your first professional band would you say?” Nona asked.

“That would be Ozzy Osbourne’s band. Yeah, that’s how I met the Alice In Chains guys. We were on tour with them and they kidnapped my family and they got my grandma in this warehouse down in Los Angeles and they just beat her relentlessly with this big fish bat,” Mike explained.

“Well, you know, a good beating honey, done right can be a wonderful thing okay? We all know that,” Nona quipped to the camera.

“Yeah, they’ll let her out after five years after a couple of albums and a couple of tours they’ll let her go,” Mike added.

“Well, listen, what we really need here is to talk to a singer. I hear your singer’s around somewhere,” Nona said.

“Uh, somewhere. You just gotta keep cruising. He’s around,” Mike said.

“Okay, well, we’re going to keep driving around trying to find Mr. Layne Staley.” Jerry patted Mike’s thigh. “I’m Nona Weisbaum and you know me by now.” Nona moaned as Mike gave her shoulders a massage. “Oh thank you. Oh, it’s lovely, honey. Oh. We’ll be right back.”

**************************

The camera followed Mike to the beauty parlor where Sean was dressed up as a clown in the background. Mike was getting a manicure while he was under a beehive hairdryer with his hair in oversized curlers.

“What brought you in today?” the manicurist asked.

“Actually I came in for a colonic you know. But they told me the machine was clogged,” Mike replied. Sean tried to keep a straight face behind him.

“What’s your occupation?” the manicurist asked.

“I got this hot dog cart on First Avenue called Rock Dogs,” Mike replied.

Sean stood up from where he was getting his wig teased and decided to try the electric slide which made the hairdresser crack up.

“Why did you decide to come in today to get your hair done and your nails done?” the manicurist asked. he looked the other way.

“Well, I’m looking for a new look. The turn of the century is coming up,” Mike said. “I get my hair cut once every six or seven years. So, I’m getting a jump on the millennium.”

“What made you start a hot dog stand?” the manicurist asked

“I was in this rock band and I read in a magazine that my band broke up so I just didn’t bother to go to rehearsal because I figured it was over,” Mike replied.

**************************

Still stuck in the formal interview setting, Layne leaned his head on his hand. His answers were becoming hilariously jaded, “I’m dumbfounded by _me_ all the time. I mean _wow_! What a thrill and a joy.”

“Are you happy?” Katherine asked.

“I was getting to that. Yep,” Layne nodded. “Dang it, I am.” Then he started acting like he was about to tear up. “I think I’m going to cry.”

**************************

The camera followed Sean who was still in his clown costume. The band ended up at a bar, quite drunk, and had a great time. By then it was just Rocky and his camera and the band. They were toasting shots together.

**************************

In the eighth segment of Nona riding in the back of the car with Sean and Mike.

“Hi, it’s Nona. We’re back and hanging with Alice In Chains’ boys and we’re in search of the singer, Mr. Layne Staley,” Nona said addressing the camera.

“There he is!” Mike pointed to a guy going through a dumpster – which was Layne’s idea for his exaggerated character.

“Oh, here he is. Here he is right now folks!” Nona said.

“Layne!” Sean yelled.

“Rock boy,” Nona called out to the guy going through the dumpster as the car stopped next to him. “Rock boy. Is this him? Would this be him?” Layne was drinking out of a bottle of alcohol. “Mr. Staley, could you come over here?” Layne turned around and stumbled toward the car. Nona held her hand out. “Hello, I’m Nona how are you? How are you doing?” Layne took her hand and belched into the microphone. “Could you step in here and finish up this interview?” Mike got out of the way by sitting on the back of the convertible, making room for Layne to sit next to Nona. “Your other rock boys have been helping me out with this interview and I want to thank you sweeties for just being you.”

“Anytime, Nona,” Sean said.

"Do you have a dime?" Layne asked as he got in the car.

“Yeah, actually I do in my purse,” Nona said as she went through her purse and came up with the coin. “Anything for you sweetheart. I’m telling you. Anything.”

**************************

At the interview couch between photo shoots, Katherine asked, “What was your most humiliating moment?”

“This one,” Sean suggested.

“Right now?” Jerry said.

“Most humiliating moment, I got one,” Layne said. He was wearing the red bandana and Harley-Davidson motorcycle goggles. “Okay, there’s a stewardess on an airplane, good looking. I was like trying to get eye-contact going. Lunch comes around. I had my goatee and it was braided and I had a little ivory skull bead in it at the end. So, I’m eating lunch and I’m eating soup. And I don’t notice that I got soup on my beard. She comes walking by and I give her a sly kind of smile and I’m chewing and the thing’s flapping up in the air and it hits me in the nose and puts a drop of soup on my nose. At that moment I felt very stupid.”

**************************

In the ninth segment of Nona riding in the back of the car with Sean, Mike, and Layne.

“What do you think about women in rock?” Nona asked Layne.

“Um, they’re great,” Layne replied. He was wearing wraparound shades, a leather jacket, and gloves.

“Which ones would be your favorite? Say like Lita Ford, Barbra Streisand?” Nona clarified.

“Oh, the ones with All-Access passes on,” Layne replied.

“So, Layne, when did you start recording the album?” Nona asked.

“April,” Layne replied in a clipped tone.

“And when did you finish?” Nona asked.

“August,” Layne gritted out.

“Let’s get this boy some drinks, what do you say?” Nona asked the camera. Layne smiled. “Pull over to the bar.” Suddenly, Nona’s accent changed to that of a New York native. “Can we go up to thirty-third and third? Over there at that bar.”

**************************

At the bar, Sean was still in the clown outfit, stumbling around with a piece of toilet paper strategically attached to his foot as he stumbled out of the bar and tried to hail a taxi. Rocky had stopped shooting after that but claimed the night got wilder.

**************************

In the tenth segment of Nona riding in the back of the car with Sean, Mike, and Layne.

“Well, I think we’re going to wrap up our interview here. I just want to thank our lovely boys.” Nona patted the knee of Layne and Sean and then reached up and buried her hand in Mike’s long curly locks. “Thank you, boys. I love this hair. I just want to lay in this hair for weeks, just days.” Layne glared at Mike behind his sunglasses as he watched the bass player feel up Nona’s chest. “We’re going to cut now. The X-rated version will start soon. Hopefully, you’ll see my new interview with Alice In Chains – the only Seattle rock boys I could find on the street – in _Sassy_ magazine. We’ll be seeing you from Seattle. This is Nona Weisbaum. See you all.”

Nona held the mic for Layne “Bye-bye!”

**************************

While shooting **_The Nona Tapes_** , there was a scary moment in which a soundman almost died. They had spent several hours driving around in the convertible, with Rocky and his cinematographer in the front seat and the soundman in the trunk. When they stopped filming, Rocky noticed the soundman wasn’t responding to any of his questions. They opened the trunk and discovered he had passed out from inhaling carbon monoxide fumes.

On one of his trips to Seattle, Rocky went to Layne’s condo with one of the band members and waited outside, but Layne never came out. As he waited, Rocky felt a variety of reactions and emotions – everything from frustration to anger to pity to compassion to empathy. The Layne he knew was such a complex conglomeration of diverse qualities, and he knew that if Layne had answered the door, Rocky couldn’t have said or done anything that would have helped him or change the course of his life. Layne was determined to go down the road that he chose for himself, and nobody was going to change that.

The mockumentary also included the video for _Grind_. Rocky directed the video, shooting it at Hollywood National Studios on October 8 and 9, 1995, with the animated sequences filmed from October 11 through the 21, 1995. It didn’t turn out to be an easy shoot. Layne was not in great shape and it was difficult to get him to come to the set to film his scenes.

Jerry beat on the door to Layne’s trailer until the singer opened it and nearly hit Jerry in the face when it swung open. Jerry jerked the door back, stormed into the trailer, and slammed the door.

“Do you want to tell me why you’re acting this way? We have a video shoot to do,” Jerry said.

“Why I’m acting this way? Me?” Layne said incredulously.

“Yeah, you’re in here sulking and now you don’t want to come to the set? Why?” Jerry asked.

“You know, if you want a girlfriend on the side, fine. Considering I still have baggage of my own, the girlfriend is fine. But, I absolutely refuse to share you with another guy,” Layne said.

“What in the hell are you talking about?” Jerry said completely confused.

Layne turned on the TV. He seemed to have gone through the entire cut of **_The Nona Tapes_** and singled out the segments where Nona was flirting with Sean and Mike.

“I was in a role in drag!” Jerry said defensively.

“Have you ever known any female reporters flirting with us like that? No!” Layne said.

“Layne, I would never cheat on you, especially with Sean or Mike. They’re harmless. The drugs are making you paranoid. You’re –”

Layne fast-forwarded to where Mike was feeling Nona up right in front of Layne in the car. “How about this then?”

“Okay, _that_ was a little overboard and I’m sure once we go out there, Mike would apologize for that,” Jerry conceded.

“I’m _not_ paranoid, Jerry. If you don’t want to be in this relationship, fine. Tell me, and I’ll –” Layne started to say.

“No. I’m not leaving you, not for Sean, not for Mike or anyone else,” Jerry said as he moved closer to Layne and wrapped the singer in a hug.

“If you can’t take this anymore, Jerry, tell me and I’ll let you go,” Layne said he returned the hug.

“Would you stop trying to give me an out?” Jerry smiled softly. “I knew what I signed up for when we started this relationship, even if we didn’t know what we had started back then.” He pulled back and looked at Layne. “Is that why you wouldn’t let any of us in the condo when Rocky and I went there?”

“Well that and I was nodding,” Layne confessed.

“Layne,” Jerry sighed. “You got jealous for no reason. Sean and Mike are our brothers. There is no way I would be attracted to either one.”

“The same could be said for us,” Layne pointed out.

“You and I are different. There’s a deeper history with us. The things you’ve done for me. I don’t just mean giving me a place to live and the guitars and food. I mean the things you’ve done over the years because it was me, like hopping a plane across the world for me so that we didn’t miss a contracted show even though you were dead on your feet. The things you’ve done for me and this band since we started.”

“I can’t do extended tours anymore and I know that’s driving you crazy,” Layne acknowledged.

“I’d rather have you here without a tour than have no singer at all,” Jerry said.

Layne let it drop. He knew _he_ was holding the band back. If he wasn’t such a fucked up junkie, Alice In Chains would have had the world as its oyster. Their fans would buy any album they put out, would have attended any concert anywhere in the world. They’d be up there with the Rolling Stones and Elvis – okay, maybe not Elvis – but, they would be on top of the world if it wasn’t for Layne holding them back.

“I know what you’re doing and quit it. I’m not replacing you as a singer or a friend or a partner or a lover,” Jerry said. To change the subject, Jerry gently tugged on the small goatee Layne now sported. “You cut off your beard.” Layne gave him a small smile. “Now can we get out of here and go do this video shoot?”

When Layne finally showed up on set, he was mesmerizing and unforgettable. It would be the last time Rocky Schenck saw him.

Columbia did not like **_The Nona Tapes_** at first and told the band they had wasted their money doing it. However, it became a cult hit with the fans and Columbia decided to sell it, but the band was against it. The video was eventually released on VHS in December 1995. In 2006, **_The Nona Tapes_** was released on DVD and came as a bonus with the greatest hits compilation The Essential Alice In Chains.

Tripod came out on November 3, 1995. _Rolling Stone_ ’s associate editor, Jon Wiederhorn, gave the album four stars in his review for the magazine. Not long after his review of the album, Wiederhorn was approached by Keith Mohrer, then the editor in chief of the magazine, and asked if he wanted to write a cover story about Alice In Chains, an assignment Wiederhorn accepted.

A lunch was arranged with Susan at the China Grill restaurant in New York City to discuss the story and lay out ground rules. Representing _Rolling Stone_ were Wiederhorn, Mohrer, and Sid Holt, the managing editor. The lunch meeting gave Susan an opportunity to raise her concerns and ask any questions about the story. Most of the conversation focused on logistics – when and where the members would be available.

The one thing that got Wiederhorn in the door when the band had refused any other interviews was that the band liked Wiederhorn’s review of Tripod. He flew to Seattle in late November or early December, where he spent three days getting material for the story.

The first day was spent getting to know the band and the band was trying to get comfortable with Wiederhorn. They played Whirlyball – a game that combined elements of basketball, bumper cars, and lacrosse. Afterward, Wiederhorn and the band went to an Italian restaurant after the game for the first formal Q&A.

Being with his band, Layne didn’t think about coming out of the bathroom without his gloves on. Wiederhorn zeroed in on the red, round puncture marks from Layne’s wrist to his knuckles on his left hand. Wiederhorn made note of it as he spent several hours interviewing the band members as a group and individually.

Sean drove Wiederhorn to Jerry’s house outside Seattle for their one-on-one interview. Along the way, Wiederhorn and Sean smoked a joint. Sean was open and candid about the tensions that led to the withdrawal from the Metallica tour and the breakup in the summer of 1994. No matter what Wiederhorn asked or how many different ways he asked a question, Sean never threw any of his bandmates under the bus. He protected them all.

When asked about the inability to tour or the frustrations of dealing with chemical dependencies, Sean replied, “Hey, none of us are perfect. None of us were free from blame in any of those departments.”

It was clear to Wiederhorn that Layne was the reason Alice In Chains couldn’t tour, but Sean, Mike, and Jerry didn’t talk about it in specific terms and they didn’t express any resentment toward Layne. In fact, the band became an impregnable wall protecting Layne.

Finally, Wiederhorn just asked Layne outright about his heroin addiction. Layne shrugged and refused to acknowledge to a complete stranger that there was a problem. The only candid comment Wiederhorn got out of the singer was, “I wrote about drugs, and I didn’t think I was being unsafe or careless by writing about them. Here’s how my thinking pattern went: When I tried drugs, they were fucking great, and they worked for me for years, and now they’re turning against me – and now I’m walking through hell, and this sucks. I didn’t want my fans to think that heroin was cool. But then I’ve had fans come up to me and give me the thumbs-up, telling me they’re high. That’s exactly what I didn’t want to happen.”

Wiederhorn worked on the story over Christmas break. _Rolling Stone_ sent a photographer to shoot the band. In the days and weeks after his trip to Seattle, Wiederhorn repeatedly contacted the band’s management and record label to set up a phone call with Layne so that he could harass the singer with follow-up questions about his addiction instead of the music. Both the management and record label placated Wiederhorn with guarantees that Layne would call him but the call never came.

One night Wiederhorn was in bed when the phone rang at three or four in the morning. Wiederhorn picked up and it was Layne. Suddenly, Layne did a calculation on the time difference, and apologized for waking the reporter, hung up, and went to bed. It was the last he heard from Layne. Wiederhorn was sure the singer had been hounded to call him, but later he would lay all the blame on Layne saying that Layne made the call intentionally figuring Wiederhorn couldn’t do the interview at that time or that Layne had no concept of what time it was. Of course, Layne being a night owl, 4:00 a.m. was close to his bedtime. Wiederhorn didn’t run on a musician’s timetable, so he blamed Layne for the mix-up.

The magazine hit newsstands in late January or early February 1996. Aside from mentioning the puncture marks on Layne’s hand, there wasn’t anything particularly controversial about the article. The magazine cover was a different matter. _Rolling Stone_ put Layne on the cover by himself. The photo showed a bearded Layne looking directly at the camera with his sunglasses mounted high on his forehead near his hairline. The caption on the left side read: _The Needle and the Damage Done: Alice In Chains’ Layne Staley_. The title was a reference to Neil Young’s song of the same name about heroin.

Layne and Demri were back together momentarily even though they’d be broken up again for good by the time the band did Unplugged in April 1996. They were shopping in a Seattle grocery store when they saw the issue on the stand. Demri would tell her mother later that Layne nearly collapsed when he saw it. Layne had made a point of telling _Rolling Stone_ that the article needed to be about the band, not him. Layne was promised by the magazine that the article would be about the entire band, not just him. Layne took Demri home and immediately called Jerry. 

“Jer, I’m so sorry. I told them not to focus on me,” Layne said.

“What are you talking about?” Jerry asked.

“Have you seen the new _Rolling Stone_ issue on the newsstand?” Layne asked.

“I get it in the mail. Let me check,” Jerry said. He put the phone down to sort through his mail. “ _Son of a bitch!_ ” Jerry got back on the phone. “What the hell, Layne?”

“I’m so sorry. I told them not to make it about me. I wanted them to focus on the band and the music. Now, this . . . my mom and sister are going to see it. I’ve never been completely candid with them about my drug use. Now I’m going to have to explain it all. I never wanted to be singled out as an addict. Every one of us has something going on. FUCK! What are we going to do?” Layne asked.

“What do you want to do?” Jerry asked.

“I want to kick the guy’s ass. He lied to us, they all did,” Layne replied.

“Let me call around to Sean and Mike and see if they’ve seen it yet. They may want to join us,” Jerry said and hung up.

Needless to say, the band and Susan were not happy about it. Wiederhorn was dismayed when he saw the cover. He claimed ignorance saying he had nothing to do with it in terms of photo selection, article title, tagline, or editing his own story. He didn’t know who was responsible. It was a case of plausible deniability on his end.

Wiederhorn contacted Susan to apologize for the hit-piece done on the band. He blamed everyone from the art department to the editorial department and none of the blame himself for what he put in the story that caused those departments to draw their own conclusions and edited the article accordingly.

Susan pointed out, “You hardly represented two of the band members. That’s not Alice In Chains.” Of course, it wasn’t ten months before that she told Layne’s mom, Nancy, that Layne couldn’t take a break for rehab because _Layne was Alice In Chains_. She noted that Mike was barely mentioned and Sean was quoted only a few times.

Wiederhorn told her that the article had been cut down. He tried and failed to assure her that his intentions had been purely honorable. He told her he was just as upset as she was that there wasn’t a full band shot on the cover.

When Susan asked why he chose to address the drug addiction and other problems with the band, Wiederhorn explained that you couldn’t deal with Alice In Chains without confronting that issue. It would have been a puff piece otherwise. He stood on his moral integrity when he defended writing about what motivated the band, what they were dealing with, and what he thought some of their demons were.

Susan refused to grant Wiederhorn access to any other band under her management after what he and _Rolling Stone_ did with the Alice In Chains article.


	14. PostScript

My thoughts aren’t so much on the making of Tripod, as I have put most of my feelings in whichever chapter any given song title that chapter was labeled. For Layne’s condition from 1992 through 1995, he wrote a lot of songs detailing what he was going through at any given moment. Layne was 28 when Tripod was released. He had written a lot of songs in his young life, most of them dealing with his feelings about an addiction that he could no longer control.

You could have a whole nature vs. nurture debate on Layne’s addiction: was his addiction a curse passed down through genetics and Layne just had it worse than his own biological drug-addicted father or was Layne an addict because everyone around him was addicted to something or other. Maybe this part of the postscript could have waited until after I wrote about MTV Unplugged, but so much of Layne’s addiction started getting worse during Tripod as well as his depression and Demri’s health issues were having a roller coaster effect on him during the recording of Tripod depending on whether she was in the ICU or healthy enough to be out of the hospital.

My PostScript thought is mainly about what _Rolling Stone_ did to Alice In Chains with that article. As far back as late 1992, the magazine has personally had a bone to pick with Layne Staley, even though I can name a dozen bands who wrote about drugs in their lyrics that _Rolling Stone_ never cared to target before or after Layne came along. Layne’s mentioned _Rolling Stone_ hounding him in passing to Riki Rachtman during the New Orleans episode of Headbanger’s Ball in late 1992 when Layne and Mike Starr tour New Orleans and a Voodoo museum with Riki back then.

 _Rolling Stone_ magazine has some unknown thing to do with the Hall of Fame, and after what _Rolling Stone_ did to Layne and the band in the 1996 _The Needle and the Damage Done_ article. They promised the band, “Oh no, it will be about the music.” “Oh yeah, the band’s picture will be on the cover.” Turns out it was only Layne on the cover and the article focused on Layne's addiction as if that were the only thing that defined Alice In Chains as a band – which Layne DID NOT want to happen – and everything going wrong internally with the band. That pissed off Alice In Chains’s management and the _entire_ band to the point they – the whole band, not just Layne – threatened to kick the writer’s ass over it. I don't see _Rolling Stone_ chomping at the bit to vote Alice In Chains into the Hall of Fame. Although if they do finally get in with William as the singer and NOT Layne, I’m going to be pissed.

As for Wiederhorn, I don’t know how he got another job after having, “Managed to Piss off an Entire Band to the Point Every Band Member Wanted to Kick My Ass” on his resume.

As far as I know after _Rolling Stone_ pulled the stunt they did with Alice In Chains, the band closed ranks again and never granted another “official” interview to a major magazine for as long as Layne was alive.

 _Rockline_ was a different matter. Layne had joined Jerry on the phone talking to _Rockline_ on June 22, 1998, about Boggy Depot. When asked what he thought of Jerry’s solo album, Layne said, “I love it. You know, it’s Jerry. I’m used to his sound and it sounds like Jerry. I’ve always loved Jerry’s songs, you know? So, I like it.” To which Jerry bashfully said, “Thank you.” On one of the concert dates for Jerry's solo album Boggy Depot, Layne was a guest backstage, and Jerry tried to entice him to go out on stage and sing with him, but Layne declined.

In a July 19, 1999 episode of _Rockline_ , where the band had called in from different parts of the country to promote Nothing Safe, the prequel to the Music Bank box set, someone had called in to ask about **_The Nona Tapes_** and asked if they were going to do something like that again. Layne joked that it was creepy if you were really there. Mike joked that Jerry actually got breast implants for the part. Jerry ran with the joke saying getting them taken out hurt. Sean joked that he actually got Nona’s number, which was weird for him. Jerry confessed that he had been on stage with Alice In Chains dressed up in a kilt and in drag during Halloween shows. Mike joked that it took Jerry two weeks to take the dress off and get out of character. Layne said, “He didn’t want to,” to which Jerry replied, “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, _she_ didn’t want to.” Jerry claimed to still have one implant in. Mike joked that Jerry had his hood pierced and the thing was he didn’t have a hood. To which Layne added, “Well, that must have really screwed up your Corvette, huh?” While Sean and Mike laughed at Layne and Jerry’s antics, Jerry shot back, “Yeah, but do you know what to do when your blowhole’s out? Nobody wants you."

When a girl called up to asked what the band considered their most successful work, Layne turned it around and asked her, “No baby, what do _you_ consider my most successful work?” The host commented that Layne was in good form and Jerry replied, “He always is.”


End file.
